Over the long weekend we had a visit from Stinky Uncle Jeff. My single, athletic, witty, too-intelligent-for-his-own-good, only-reads-non-fiction, fart-in-a-mitt, older brother. I love this guy to pieces. He is the only person in this entire world who can a) push my buttons to the point of tantrums of epic proportions, and b) make me laugh like no one else can (except maybe Nenny with Twins). Our childhood was super fun and I could manipulate any skirmish in my favour. He got in trouble soooo many times because of my dramatic reactions of pain and emotional scarring. I often wondered when we were growing up what our relationship would be like in adulthood because of our frequent childhood conflicts. I am happy to say that we are closer than I ever imagined we would be and he is the best uncle any kid could ever hope for.
He is moving with his job (he works for the railroad) and I won't even start into how bummed out I am about that. I am happy he is moving up the career ladder, but am sad that he is moving 2700 km away. He came for one last visit (at least for the next several months) and the kids had a party with him.
We have a routine prior to Stinky Uncle Jeff's arrival. We have to make his favourite fibrous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and muffins that are loaded with extra flax seed. We have to stock up on Tropicana OJ and Lactose Free milk because his system can't tolerate regular milk....hence our name for him. When I told EvieG that Stinky Uncle Jeff was coming for the weekend, she jumped up and down clapping and squealing, "Yay!!" And then she stopped mid-jump and looked very seriously at me and asked, "Is he going to ask me to pull his finger again?" I guffawed. I nodded and told her probably, and reminded her to plug her nose.
Stinky Uncle Jeff is the Uncle who:
- takes the Wee Ladies on Space Pod rides to the planet Zumba in their styrofoam Max and Ruby chair (this is a wild trip complete with sci-fi sound effects as he runs around the house with them in the chair)
- brings the most annoying, noisiest toys he can find (electric guitar that spews out rock music at the slightest brush of a finger and doesn't turn off- true story)
- brings water rockets and other cool outside water toys
- takes them to the train station to watch the trains come in
- teaches them how to play Dodgeball- this is where he gives EvieG a head start and she runs across the backyard while trying to dodge the gigantic purple yoga ball that he kicks at her trying to knock her down like a human bowling pin
- teaches them vocabulary they shouldn't be exposed to at such a young, vulnerable, sponge-like age
EvieG announced to the lot of us that she needed to go to the bathroom. Stinky Uncle Jeff proceeded to egg her on by introducing new ways to describe her situation. She learned that she was:
- dropping the kids off at the pool
- pinching a loaf
- dropping a load
And my personal favourite:
- taking a dump
You can just imagine how I reacted as I punched him in the bicep each time he came up with a new phrase to teach her while laughing in my face at the same time. As she hollers these new words from the bathroom, he then tells her she can only say these things when he is around. Great. Thanks. Like that is ever going to happen. Still trying to push my buttons and we are in our 30's. I guess I can officially say my daughter is learning a potty mouth, all thanks to my brother.
After the Wee Ladies go to bed, Stinky Uncle Jeff steals Hubby and they go on dates. It is so sweet. They go to the movies and out for drinks. He makes Hubby act as his 'Wing Man' as he checks out the ladies in the fine establishments of our town. They get along well I am glad for that because I have suffered his critiques in the past when he did not approve of the guy I was dating. Some of them I still hear about.
The Wee Ladies love Stinky Uncle Jeff. He spends time with them, reads to them, and plays with them. I know he will be an important person in their lives as they grow. If he ever has kids, he knows it will be payback time. Drum sets, pots and pans just for the kids, and other musical instruments will show up every year at Christmas.
The kids will miss jumping on him and waking him up at 7:30 am, but look forward to his next visit. I will make sure that we continue to say, "Hi, Uncle Jeff!" each time we are stopped at a train.
All's I'm sayin's all.
Labels: Family
