My hair sucks. I am one of those people who is rarely happy with the state of their head. I can never get the colour right, there are always roots, and I am sooooo tired of the whispies. Whispies is the regrowth one experiences around the hairline after babies are born. And I have had whispies for what feels like as long as any Hollywood marriage- a couple of years followed by a break, and then another year, followed by another break, and then another year. It just wasn't working out so now I am on a final break. And this time I need to give my hair the time it needs to heal. So healing it is, and increasingly annoying it becomes.

I was always kind of blonde. Somewhere in between Kate Hudson and Sheryl Crow, although I was never linked to Lance Armstrong in any way. Once I became pregnant I stopped colouring my hair. It was the dumbest mistake I ever made. Because my hair has never been right since. What did I think would happen? The baby would come out deformed because I had foils? Please. So I had major roots the first time around. I got it sort of fixed. I decided for the second pregnancy I would go back to my natural shit brown colour. I did, and didn't have any noticeable roots. I have a hint of strawberry in my hair and so when I wanted to return to blonde, I became brassy ochre. The strawberry in my colour allowed for an orangey tint that you can only find during a beautiful summer sunset. But somehow it didn't look as nice on my head.

The third pregnancy I went back to my shit brown colour, but coloured it once I found out I was pregnant. And now, I am back to the same situation. I don't know what to do. Why can't I just become a blonde again?

Along with my shades of woe, I have whispies now. Again. For the third time. After each baby, I lost a crapload of hair. It was falling out by the handful. I had to clean out my brush everyday. Along with cleaning my brush, I had to vacuum everyday because I was shedding with the best of the labs. There was hair everywhere. My friends were constantly picking hair off me. There were random hairs flying around The Guzzler when I had the windows down and I would find them all over. Just like I used to find random ashes at the back of the vehicle from my cigarettes when I was a teenager. And now that the shedding is over I am in the middle of Whispieville. The hair on my hairline is at that ugly, useless length. It just sticks out all over. The only way to temporarily get rid of them is by lacquering them down with hairspray. And I don't use product very often. So I am dealing with fly away hair most of the time.

Look at this. Don't I look like a real prize? Bad roots and whispies. Ignore the unwaxed brows and fine lines around the eyes. Maybe I should go and do the time warp with the carnies. I would fit right in.
The one good thing about my post-pregnancy head is that now I have a nice, natural wave. I had dead straight hair my whole life and now it is curly. Kind of cool. It's a nice change. I can wear it all messy and Olsen twin like now. If I could only fix my colour issue, I could fit right in on the red carpet.

I am trying to figure out what to do. Lacquer it all the time until it is done flying about? Or seek more professional advice in addition to what I have already received as to what to do with my colour and current cut? I need to think about it some more. Any thoughts?

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: Battle, DDM