Friday, May 2, 2008

Mommy Drill Sergeant

What does it take to lead a Combined Joint Task Force? A Drill Sergeant. Someone who can keep everyone in line. Someone who has an extraordinary sense of organization. Someone who can fire orders and demand a quick response. Someone who can repeat themselves and increase their decibel level each time. Someone who can multi-task with their eyes shut. That is me most of the time. Mommy Drill Sergeant.

It takes a Mommy Drill Sergeant to keep a house in order and children in line. I line them all up in the morning side by side and demand they stand at attention. With their backs straight and chins up, they stand while looking straight ahead and wait for the orders. I shout, "EvieG, get dressed. Spark Plug, brush your hair. Destroyer...stand still." They reply in unison, "Yes, Mom!" And off they go while I move through the house in a whirlwind like the Tasmanian Devil getting everything up to snuff.

In reality, I find that I bark orders all day long. And I think I repeat those orders over and over again. It gets to the point where I feel like I should put the lot of them through Boot Camp. "EvieG, I said get your coat on 5 times now! Drop and give me 5! Not only because I have asked five times, but because you are almost 5!" I get so irritated when I find myself repeating orders. I can't even begin to count the number of times I order, "Let's go!" and "Come on!" in a day.

EvieG dawdles. I always tell her to stop dilly-dallying and just do what I ask. It doesn't seem to always work. She takes forever it seems to get things done that I ask her to do. Simple things like getting dressed or getting her shoes on. Not only that, but every day we go through the old, "Stay in your seat when you eat!" I say this probably a half a dozen times during each meal and snack. The only time she really listens and responds is when Mommy Drill Sergeant comes out in full fury. Not only does she have to deal with the wrath of the Officer on Duty, but she suffers with the loss of a privilege. Like the computer. I never take away books, because I don't believe that is positive. But I will take away TV (Oh, no!) or movie time. She is crushed when this happens and it doesn't happen often, usually because she listens after I threaten the loss of the privilege. That is how it works. I threaten and she listens. Or I count to 5 before the threat ever presents itself.

Threats work well. I always used to say before EvieG was born that I would never threaten because I felt it wasn't productive. I thought that it was empty language which would just upset her with no positive outcome. Because you have to follow through. If there is no follow through with a threat, well then it is all just null and void.

I succumbed to laying down the threats. We threaten. We threaten to take things away, threaten to not go certain places like the park. We do follow through most of the time, but sometimes we forget. So it ends up never happening. I know for a fact that I have threatened to take computer away for the entire duration of the following day. EvieG gets upset and I repeat to her why it is happening. The next day comes along and after she has been playing on the computer for 15 minutes, I suddenly realize, "Hey! She wasn't supposed to be on there!" Whether or not she remembered is undetermined. I suspect she did remember and got away with it. Those darn kids!

The threats that occur now are the early stages of what grounding will be. When they are older, the threats will still be there but the privileges will change. We won't let them hang out with their friends, go to a party, or other social event. And definitely no slumber parties with their friends. I bet they will bounce back into line faster than they do now! They won't have done their chores and I will say, "So I understand there is a birthday party you want to go to on the weekend," and all I will see is dust as they fly up the stairs or out the door to do what they need to do. Mommy Drill Sergeant still in power.

When the orders aren't being obeyed, threats work. And if I have to repeat myself too many times I get severely ornery. They don't like it when I am ornery. I don't like it when I get ornery. So most often times they listen after a couple of repeats. Because it is at that point that my eyes get big, my voice loud, and the hair raises on my back. They duck away from me and run as fast as their little feet will take them to the front door to put their coats and shoes on. So I usually don't have to threaten. But there are lots of times when I do, and I am not ashamed for doing it.

Because if it gets the job done and they know who's BOSS and who's running the show, then it is a threat well served. Mommy Drill Sergeant, Master of Threats.

All's I'm sayin's all.

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading! I will be posting again on Monday for the week. Please come back to read more tales from the zoo.