How can I save household energy when The Destroyer insists on destroying herself along with a few outfits a day? I am constantly washing her and her stuff.

When we go to the park, we are guaranteed to come home with sand and dirt everywhere. Clothes turn a nice shade of brown, socks are soaked and full of grit, and hair is dropping grains of sand on my floors. The bathtub at the end of the day is a true sight to see. Who needs Borax when you have The Destroyer?

We went to the park at my mom's over the weekend. Not only did The Destroyer have to sop up the standing water at the bottom of every slide, and there were about 6 different ones, but she had to roll around in the dirt as well. After going down the slides head first. She left there with her pants to her ankles, covered in brown stains. My mom tried to get it all out, but no such luck.

Today we took a walk along the beach at the park before playing on the equipment. I thought about bringing extra shoes and clothes, but as usual, I forgot. At least I remembered sun hats and water. The Destroyer threw every rock she could find into the bay but could only get some acceptable, solid distance if she stepped into the water. In between running through the patches of standing water. She entered the park this morning with two full soakers. If there is water, she will find it and she will make her own homemade water park.

This kid is going to take her socks and shoes off one day only to reveal the first signs of trench foot.

Her feet smell. She is not a fan of socks and pulls them off whenever the opportunity presents itself. She tends to run around with her bare feet inside her non-breathable rubber boots. I am going to have to start pouring Gold Bond down into those puppies because man! Do they ever wreak! Like adult bad on the stench scale. She has blisters on both ankles too from the rubbing inside her boots.

She could care less, this kid. She bonks her head on the bars, gets 1 cm slivers on her feet and doesn't flinch, and runs around with sand in her butt. She eats dirt and picks up her soother from the ground, wipes it off herself, and pops it back into her mouth.

She is all smiles and laughs the entire time.

Last week, we were all calling her Slick. We got to the park late and she looked like she hadn't been bathed in 3 months. Her hair was chunky and greasy. It was glued onto her scalp like she was gelling for the first time before heading out to her first big party. Slick decided to smear her entire face and head with Vaseline while I was getting dressed. I found her with a tablespoon of petroleum jelly on her soother, her hand caked like a layer of Paraffin wax, and her hair totally styled. Fantastic. After 3 washes, I decided to forget it and take them all to the park 'as is'. She was a smashing hit. We would have been there sooner if it weren't for that darned kid.

The Destroyer leaves a wake behind her wherever she goes. She is blazing her own trails.

I knew she would require bleach. I just didn't think I would need to clean up her mess with degreaser too.

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: The Destroyer