EvieG announced that she and Spark Plug were off to the van and then to the airport with the intention of landing in Florida where they would walk to Grandma's Florida house. This then changed to Grandma picking them up at the airport because they didn't want to get lost, or carry their luggage very far.

The bags contained their stuffed animals, books, a toy microphone because you never know when they might get a gig, one toothbrush, a hairbrush, and the handle to the Swiffer 360. Good thing they remembered that because you never know when you might have to clean all around you, or who you might sit next to on the plane. I always thought something like this would be useful if you needed to swat the person next to you.

We went to our travel folder in the filing cabinet and retrieved our passports from 2006. Spark Plug was born in 2006. She was only a few months old in her photo. Her passport is up for renewal this year which is a good thing because if we had to travel anywhere right now, they probably wouldn't let her through security. The picture bears no resemblance to her whatsoever and I would likely be detained, we would miss our flight, and then I would have to deal with the over-exhaustion of the Wee Ladies in an airport and on a plane. All I would want is a box of Timbits for them but instead I would probably be questioned about the legitimacy of my daughter, to which I would tell them all about how I gained 60 lbs, had her, lost it when I got pregnant again, probably around the same time her passport picture was taken, and then tossed out a third kid a few months after that. They would see that the only other traveling I have done is going over the border to Detroit to buy Cookie Crisp cereal at Target. I wouldn't have to have a mug shot taken. They could just use my passport photo.

I asked if I was going too. EvieG told me that they had to get to the airport somehow; that she didn't know how to drive the van. I was in my robe! I hadn't packed yet! And then the trip to Florida morphed into a camping trip out in the backyard after EvieG confessed in my ear that she was 'just pretending'. I was still sitting and staring at the passport pictures during this confession. I was just about to go upstairs and pull out my home-waxing kit before throwing my flip flops and bathing suit in a bag.

She and Spark Plug proceeded to lug out 2 kitchen table chairs, a quilt, the electric vacuum for the 'quick' jobs, a rock to keep the vacuum upright, and one of Hubby's hiking boots, to set the camping mood. They worked well together as the attempted to assemble their tent. They were adamant that they were going to sleep outside. I asked, "How will you stay dry? It's going to rain tonight." EvieG replied by getting the dry cleaning plastic from over a sweater I picked up today. She had her fly ready to go. She even put sticky tape over the hole where the hanger stuck out. MENSA.

It is about 8 degrees Celsius right now and she did this whole assembly in nothing but her underwear. She didn't even notice the goose bumps rising all over her little body. Spark Plug was out there in her polyester Dora nightie and pink floral socks. Tough Cookies.

We finally pulled the chute on them. We had to break the news gently. The trip was over. The camping trip was done. The tent was not quite there, but almost. There is time to work on it tomorrow. EvieG was so disappointed. She said, "But Mom, this is a level 2 camping trip!" 

I said, "A what?" 

"A level 2 camping trip!" she retorted. "A level 1 is the tent in the living room. A level 2 is in the backyard! And a level 3 is in the front yard! I have only ever done a level 1!"

Confused, I then demanded clarification. "Well then, what is a level 4?"

Looking at me like I am the dumbest person in the world, she matter-of-factly responded with, "That's in my room."

Wow. That would be a huge challenge, a level 4. I don't know if she could survive that high demanding, uncomfortable, test-you-to-your-core-in-the-wilderness-tactical camping trip, or anyone else for that matter. It just might be unbearable. She might not come out alive. Never mind the skunks and coyotes. The monster in the closet might come and get her. It might be worse than Survivor.

MENSA.

All's I'm sayin's all.

PS Speaking of travel, click here to check out my column at Scarlett Lounge!

PPS I had fun doing the GAWK 'n TOO but it took me the rest of the weekend to recover. I am out of practice.