Whoop! Whoop! It is going to be a great night! This DDM is going away without kids to tie one on with her pals. I call this the G.A.W.K. 'n T.O.O. It's like its own bird call, similar to a rooster call, only with less syllables. It has been a while since I have whooped it up in style. And I am going all out tonight, friends. 

Labels: DDM

The after-dinner roughhousing between Hubby and the Wee Ladies is always entertaining. He is like a Ninja who is fighting off the enemy. They keep coming at him, even after they have been tossed down. They get back up and come at him again with different moves from different angles. He is sometimes left vulnerable. He should be wearing armour. Or a plastic cup.

And what a workout this roughhousing is for him. He can get full strength training completed in just a few minutes. By bench pressing, doing leg lifts, core training, and bicep curls, squatting, and ham string curls, he finishes it off with some clean and presses. The Wee Ladies make for perfect free weights as they are lifted and tossed about the room.

Sometimes he gets kicked and hit in the wrong places, if you know what I mean. He gets a real beating from the three of them sometimes. He tries to keep himself safe, but it doesn't always work.

And so tonight, as they were all roughhousing, he got gas-pedaled in the you-know-where. He grimaced, rolled up into fetal position, and cried out like he would have after being kicked in the bits by a girl in grade school. I could only cringe and hold the Wee Ladies off momentarily as they snorted and dug and pounded their hoofs in, ready to go at him again full steam.

And all EvieG could say to him, obviously not knowing the reason for his painful outcry, was, "Daddy. Protect yourself!"

And all he could do was look at me and beg for mercy.

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: Family, Fun

EvieG should be in event planning. She covers all of the details and misses nothing when planning her weddings, birthday parties, and tea parties. I should get her one of those headsets to wear so she remembers to cue Pachelbel's Canon. She invited me to another one of her smashing events.

She prepared and set up a mom/daughter tea party outside. While I was trying to win the laundry battle by getting myself up to being only 2 baskets behind, EvieG was organizing and taking several trips outside to a shady spot under the tree out front.

Here is what she prepared for us:

We have the blanket from the couch, along with the cushions. She carried out the fruit bowl because we know that no tea party is complete without the bananas. She remembered the teddy bear whose sole role in life is to sit around in various corners of the house and who is continually neglected and ignored, but who ALWAYS shows up for the events begging for food and drinks. He was leaned against the tree where he continued to act as an annoying solicitor. I should put him outside the front door with a sign on the front of him that reads, No Flyers Please and Stop Staring at Me! Either Move On or Are You Done With That? She even had the music portion of the party covered by bringing out the guitar. This instrument is usually used for standing on or acts as a pretend bridge as the Wee Ladies slide themselves down the neck as if they were carefully walking along the edge of a cliff. We made up songs all campfire like and considering the guitar has never been tuned, nor do I know how to do that, I'm surprised the coyotes didn't jump out of the woods covering their ears and yelping at us and then running away with their tails between their legs. We have the blue cups full of ice water and lemon, at the request of the hostess, EvieG. Details, details. I'm almost disappointed that she forgot the edible pansies and mint. The white stuff in the fruit bowl? The evidence of the ice cream sandwiches. I went inside when she wasn't looking and polished off the remaining sandwich.

She was so proud that she got this whole thing set up for us. I was proud too. We had good chats, cuddles, and lay side by side on the blanket staring up into the leaves above. We were bonding.

Our view through the eyes of EvieG:

She's a photographer too.

It is times like these that make me happiest. And it is times like these that we will remember forever. I am so glad that I am able to share these days with her. It makes any other stresses in life seem so trivial.

I think I will take the guitar to the music store in town and get it tuned. Because I suspect next time, EvieG will start belting out Bob Dylan tunes. And then she will pull the Smores out from behind her. Followed by a five course meal. And a string quartet to serenade us. She will clap her hands twice and either she will be sporting a new princess gown, or all of the lights will go off. And the soliciting teddy bear will suddenly come to life and eat all of my ice cream sandwiches and belch in my face.

All's I'm sayin's all.

PS Click here to enter the Huggies Pure and Natural diapers giveaway!

PPS Click here to check out my new reviews!

Labels: EvieG

I have posted 8 new reviews today. So head on over to DDM's Try Ons to check them out. Or just CLICK HERE.

I am also working on a couple more and will let you know when they are up.

I hope you are enjoying your weekend!

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: Announcements

Breaking bad toddler habits. Is there any better way to spend 3 hours during a power outage? This is what I did solo last night. I pulled a Supernanny, brought the hammer down, and worked on getting Spark Plug and The Destroyer to bed at the same time and in the same room. This was not easy.

Labels: Battle

Huggies is giving away some free diapers! CLICK HERE to submit your name and email and I will pick the winner next Friday, May 29. The winner can choose either Newborn size, Size 1, or Size 2. They will fit up to 18 lbs. These are the only sizes available so far.


Huggies Pure and Natural diapers feature a breathable outer cover that includes organic cotton and is resourced from 20% post-consumer recycled materials. They are hypoallergenic, fragrance free, and the liner includes a touch of Aloe and Vitamin E.

This product is geared to moms who are interested in using products that include natural and organic materials. They will eventually be available up to Size 5.

Enter to win! Enter to win! Send me your contact info! If your kids are out of the Newborn to Size 2, enter for a friend or someone you know!

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: Contests

The sounds I hear in one given day are meshed together to make the 'Day in the Life of DDM Opera' because it always includes my soprano, open-mouthed, AHHHHHHHHH! as the climax.
Today my opera featured many sounds that would drive any mom to a cry-out in frustration, confusion, and exhaustion. We had a nice blend of:

- the cell phone ring (Europe's Final Countdown is my ring tone- yes, it's true. And classic. It turns heads.)
- the van's alarm beeping in harmony
- the Wee Ladies yelling to drown out the car alarm while covering their ears
- the underlying whispers of passers-by who talk about and review my opera
- my own sneezing and sniffling as I fight seasonal allergies
- the Barenaked Ladies Snack Time album on repeat
- Basil, our Wee Westie barking in the passenger seat to drown out the car alarm
- the motorcycle cruising by the van
- the lady I am talking to repeatedly asking me the same questions that I am not answering because of the noises of my daily opera

By the end, when I, the keynote character, cannot take it anymore and need it all to stop, screech a soprano pitch that could rank alongside the best of the best opera singers. My piercing high note could break windows.

I wouldn't want that. Because then the car alarm would go off again. And then all of the other car alarms around us.

Who wants front row seats to this spectacular production? It truly is a show worth witnessing. The matinees aren't as exciting. I suggest catching the late show when I am at my wit's end. The high note is usually a real doozy at this point in the day.

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: DDM, Drama

The Wee Ladies and I are making a habit of heading out to our local airport. I have issues with flying; a love-hate relationship if you will. I want to get past my fear. So I take everyone out to watch the flight training and grab a coffee. Hopefully, I won't be so scared to fly. If I ever get to go anywhere again. Ever.

I used to LOVE flying. I would get myself into my seat, buckle in, and watch everything. I had to have a window seat. If I didn't get one, I would talk someone into trading with me. Sometimes, I even fell asleep before taking off. I was that comfortable.

But then it all changed. I became a mom. I am now very aware of my own mortality.

Slowly over the years, I have become more and more cautious of flying. I don't like the fact that I have no idea who I have trusted my life with. I require a shot or two before take off. I listen for any sounds that don't seem right. I watch the flight attendants carefully for changes in behaviour and expression. I study my surroundings. I know where the exits are. I strategically plan where I sit based on the probability of coming out alive in the event of a crash. I hate flying.

It is the ascent and descent that I especially hate because those are the times during a flight when most things could go wrong. I have every possible scenario swirling around in my head. I become a nervous wreck. I twitch and fidget in my seat. I have lines appear all over my face. I am asked by the flight attendants if I feel alright. Every flight I take, which is few and far between, I move closer to Valium.

The problem is that I LOVE to travel and I dream about all the places I want to go with the Wee Ladies all the time. I dream about where we can go and what we can do. I never plan the actual travel part.

If I want to travel, I will have to fly. So I must get over this fear of flying before my next trip. When is my next trip? That has yet to be determined. There is no set date. But I figure I better get on this whole flying issue before the next trip gets here.

And so it has begun. I am rebuilding my relationship with the plane. We went out to the airport this morning. I watched someone in training who was practicing their take off and landing. Every few minutes the plane landed and immediately took off again. We also watched helicopter pilots in training. One guy was on his cross country solo trip today. And then I saw something that made me feel somewhat okay about the whole flying thing. A 75 year old man take off in his self-made plane that is powered by a Subaru motor. He was alone. He was incredible. He made it look so easy. He fueled up, sat and watched a couple planes take off, started his engines, taxied out, and took off. Just like that. I was amazed by his comfort. I wondered if he was a veteran. The fact that he can get into something he built himself, using a car motor, and feel okay about it, made me think that I am likely going to be safe and sound on my next flight. His chances of crashing are far greater than mine would be by the looks of his plane. He was perfectly confident.

The Wee Ladies are obsessed with the planes. They even go into the terminal and sit down on the leather couches to read plane magazines. They sat for about an hour this morning watching all of the local air action. Ten bucks says as soon as The Destroyer is old enough, she is going to want to be up in the sky doing air stunts. I wouldn't be surprised.

Both of my brothers have their pilot's license. I have been flying with both of them. I thought I was a step away from the Marble Orchard. They got me to the ground safely and were happy I kept the barf bags empty.

I am one visit closer to getting over my fear of flying. I figure if I get to know the airport staff and pilots in training, have a few conversations, and maybe even take a couple trips into the clouds with one of the local pilots, I will be good to go.

Would I ever feel safe enough to get my pilot's license? If my brothers can do it, I can too. Maybe if I was the one in control, I would be just fine. I might even like it again...

For now I will love and hate flying from the ground.

All's I'm sayin's all.

PS It is May 2-4 here this weekend! Being the long weekend, I will be back next Tuesday. Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

Labels: Mission, Reflection

How can I save household energy when The Destroyer insists on destroying herself along with a few outfits a day? I am constantly washing her and her stuff.

When we go to the park, we are guaranteed to come home with sand and dirt everywhere. Clothes turn a nice shade of brown, socks are soaked and full of grit, and hair is dropping grains of sand on my floors. The bathtub at the end of the day is a true sight to see. Who needs Borax when you have The Destroyer?

We went to the park at my mom's over the weekend. Not only did The Destroyer have to sop up the standing water at the bottom of every slide, and there were about 6 different ones, but she had to roll around in the dirt as well. After going down the slides head first. She left there with her pants to her ankles, covered in brown stains. My mom tried to get it all out, but no such luck.

Today we took a walk along the beach at the park before playing on the equipment. I thought about bringing extra shoes and clothes, but as usual, I forgot. At least I remembered sun hats and water. The Destroyer threw every rock she could find into the bay but could only get some acceptable, solid distance if she stepped into the water. In between running through the patches of standing water. She entered the park this morning with two full soakers. If there is water, she will find it and she will make her own homemade water park.

This kid is going to take her socks and shoes off one day only to reveal the first signs of trench foot.

Her feet smell. She is not a fan of socks and pulls them off whenever the opportunity presents itself. She tends to run around with her bare feet inside her non-breathable rubber boots. I am going to have to start pouring Gold Bond down into those puppies because man! Do they ever wreak! Like adult bad on the stench scale. She has blisters on both ankles too from the rubbing inside her boots.

She could care less, this kid. She bonks her head on the bars, gets 1 cm slivers on her feet and doesn't flinch, and runs around with sand in her butt. She eats dirt and picks up her soother from the ground, wipes it off herself, and pops it back into her mouth.

She is all smiles and laughs the entire time.

Last week, we were all calling her Slick. We got to the park late and she looked like she hadn't been bathed in 3 months. Her hair was chunky and greasy. It was glued onto her scalp like she was gelling for the first time before heading out to her first big party. Slick decided to smear her entire face and head with Vaseline while I was getting dressed. I found her with a tablespoon of petroleum jelly on her soother, her hand caked like a layer of Paraffin wax, and her hair totally styled. Fantastic. After 3 washes, I decided to forget it and take them all to the park 'as is'. She was a smashing hit. We would have been there sooner if it weren't for that darned kid.

The Destroyer leaves a wake behind her wherever she goes. She is blazing her own trails.

I knew she would require bleach. I just didn't think I would need to clean up her mess with degreaser too.

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: The Destroyer

EvieG, The Destroyer, and I spent the weekend at my Mom's. Hubby and Spark Plug stayed with his parents who live a half hour away. We all had a grand time, especially EvieG. She discovered Grandma's basement and all of the classic contents within. We did not come home empty-handed.

She could have stayed down there all day exploring. One day she will, when she is old enough to be trusted not to get into Grandpa's fix-it chemicals and stuff, or get into the pickled beets from the mid-90's. She played on fitness equipment; the old exercise bike from the mid-70's, the non-motorized-fall-down-from-a-coronary-treadmill from the early 80's, and I think she even found evidence of the old silver Christmas tree from the 60's. We have every decade covered down in the basement.
We found a box of old books that I read as a kid. We came upon our collection of Dr. Suess and P.D. Eastman books, among other titles, but these were the books that my Mom bought us through Time Life or something. She bought the set and got the free Cat in the Hat book ends to go with it.
When my younger brother was about 8 or 9, he ran his own personal library. I had to take our family books out of his library to read. Each book still has its own homemade library sign-out card in the front cover. He was telling me on the weekend that I owe him thousands in late fees. Plus interest. I told him that he still owed me from his chocolate pudding with whipped cream tab that he racked up at the restaurant I had set up among the couch cushions.

We brought a box of books home for EvieG to tackle. And tackle she did. Tonight she ploughed through 64 pages of the classic, Go, Dog. Go! by P.D. Eastman from 1961. All.By.Herself. She loved it. I giggled my way though it as I reintroduced myself to the lovely pink poodle who vied for the hound's attention with her many smashing hats. Finally, at the end, during the dog party, did he notice the statement on her head. They ended up going home together. I'm sure it was the booze talking. Happy endings.

EvieG loved this book and she was so proud of herself for getting through such a long book independently. It was an easy level for her, but the confidence increased by 10 fold. She also read through 64 pages of 1963's Hop on Pop, by Dr. Suess, which she thought was totally easy, but great nonetheless.
This was an exciting feat for EvieG tonight. I told her about how I used to to take these books into my room and practice reading them over and over. I told her that this is how I learned to read. She thought that was something else and I suspect she will be doing the same thing soon as she dives further into our gently used collection of classics. I will have to remind her that Uncle Paul requires her to sign them out first- date and name in full. She will be the first one to sign one of these books out since August, 1986.

She is going through a phase right now where she is becoming extremely interested in how I grew up and how we all fit together as a family. She is also becoming more emotional and nostalgic, which is neat to watch.

We were watching Wall-E last night, for the 104th time. It got to the part where Eve and Wall-E were holding hands. She looked up at me with big, misty eyes and said, "I think I just might cry." I asked, "Why, Honey?" She replied, "Because I really like happy endings, Mom."

I wonder if she will well up while reading, Are You My Mother? By P.D. Eastman. Or once she reads Go, Dog. Go! again, will she realize the dogs lived happily ever after.

At least they do for a night.

All's I'm sayin's all.

Labels: EvieG

Here we are, another year later, with Mother's Day upon us. I went back into the archives and read what I posted last year. My sentiments are unchanged. You can click here to read it. After all we have been through in our family in the last year with our move, I have realized that the Wee Ladies are just as happy as they were the year before. It is our love and consistency that keeps them so secure. 

Labels: Family, Reflection

Someone tell me- why is that whenever I go out anywhere, one of my kids always has to do a number? Or cause a commotion, or break something, or just become completely uncontrollable? Tell me. Please. Because I don't get it.

My Wee Ladies are always getting up to some kind of mischief when we go out anywhere. They rearrange things on the shelves at the store, drop stuff, or even crawl around on a filthy floor. The inevitable practice? Stinking up the immediate environment. Always.

EvieG had her final Sparks dinner last night. Hubby had a dinner engagement with his colleagues, which meant I had to take the entire entourage with me. To a sit down dinner. Ugh. Sparks happens in the church basement and we weren't there five minutes when we were shown the way to the door. Not the way out of the building thankfully, but the way to the church playroom. Yay us. We had to keep Spark Plug and The Destroyer contained somewhere.

I managed to get one plate of buns and cheese. I make healthy choices for my kids. This plate of food was dinner number 2. Our first dinner happened at McDonald's at our regular eating time. Healthy choices. The second dinner happened an hour and a half later. So really it was more of a healthy snack. Followed by cake. One plate, four people- the Wee Ladies and I. The Destroyer was in my lap as I held her down with all my might, Spark Plug was at my side, and EvieG across the table using a knife to butter her bun. One plate was all I could manage as I held onto The Destroyer for dear life as she squirmed like I was the jaws of life clenched around her. There was no way I was letting the drink cart fall over on my watch. Sparkle was kind enough to provide us with a couple of more plates.

The night went on and we made it through without any major catastrophes. There were a few laps around the room, but for the most part we came, ate, and returned to our room of 4 heaven-painted walls.

Then it was time for the ceremony. The presentation where 2nd year Sparks move up to Brownies and where the girls get some badges. This meant it was time for both Spark Plug and The Destroyer to unleash the depths of their bowels. Almost simultaneously. Why, I ask? Why is the timing so utterly perfect?

Poor EvieG had to hang on without me for a few minutes during my search for a clean floor to change, stink, bathroom, running out of toilet paper, washing of the hands, getting the bag as far away from the crowd as possible mission. We didn't miss anything with her, thank goodness. But man! Heads kept turning our way as I sat down, got up, exited, returned, took a bite, exited, came back in, slugged some water, and wiped away the beads of sweat, only to leave again. For good- three Wee Ladies in tow. Well, 2 actually, and 1 under my arm like a football.

Exhaustion.

One of my friends was there to help me by watching one while I changed the other. Sparkle did her best to help too. We weren't completely alone, although it felt like it. This is a new level of tired, situations like these. When you are out and watching everyone at the same time, it completely drains you. Especially when you are being watched by everyone else. You want to keep the kids somewhat calm, but it doesn't always work like that. People are generally supportive, but it still doesn't change the fact that you are in a space where things are set up; there is a certain structure. And you sure as heck don't want your kids to be the ones to screw it all up.

We got home and I got them to bed as fast as I could. Only to sit down, gulp down half a glass of wine, and go to bed.

How about getting up in a few hours and subjecting yourself to more testing of your psychological and emotional stability? Only if I can be fed some serious caffeine directly into my veins first.

All's I'm sayin's all.

PS Who's DDM should be up tomorrow some time! Keep checking back!

PPS My Scarlett Lounge column is up too! Feel free to check it out too!

Labels: Battle

Our family likes to discuss things in the van. When we drive we are contained with no where to run. We ask questions, come up with ideas, talk, and occasionally break into song. We have our most serious talks while on the road. When the Wee Ladies are wondering, they can wonder out loud in the van knowing they will be answered. There is no 'hang on a minute' in the van. So it seems appropriate that they ask the heavy questions in the van. I have no where to hide. I have to answer. And so I did.

Labels: DDM, EvieG