Wednesday, March 10, 2010
No running in the gym!
The Destroyer is speedy, agile, and unpredictable. She has taken to bolting on me when we are out. I am drilling home the rule that she needs to stay with me at all times.
We were at the Y and she bolted into through the automatic double doors, heading straight for the counter where she presents her card to the staff to be zapped. The Destroyer has entered the building. Spark Plug is often right in there with her and they taunt each other. They race around like Shriners in a local small town parade.
As we were leaving, I was preoccupied talking to another mom. All of a sudden I see The Destroyer take off with Spark Plug not far behind. Around the corner they went, exiting my line of vision. I excused myself and went to find them. They had already left the building and were standing out on the sidewalk beside the busy parking lot. A stern talking to followed as I tried to make clear that it is not safe to bolt.
The Destroyer's way of telling me she understands something is by looking me squarely in the eye, pointing her index finger at my nose and declaring, "No runeen in de gym." This is the rule at nursery school except I think she means no running in the classroom. Who ever heard of the no running in the gym rule? Isn't that going against what the gym is for? I just agreed with her. No running in the gym and no running from mom. Capiche?
And then it happened again today, although they did not make it as far as the parking lot. They just did a few circles around me in the change room and then let themselves out into the foyer area where they continued chasing each other like a dog chases its tail. All eyes were on the crazy girls without proper adult supervision. I called to them and again for the 80th time in a day told them to stay with me. The Destroyer looked at me and said, "No runeen in de gym!" And it is always with a very sly, mischievous smile.
I am forever ushering them places. And if I don't send them on their way, they are lagging behind me. Walking along the main drag in town it is usually me followed by what I call my three little ducklings. They are all meandering across the wide sidewalk in all directions with me in the lead. I keep telling them to stay with mom and don't pick up the cigarette butt or empty coffee cup.
So The Destroyer has no mid-range speed. She is either absurdly slow, or has gone from first to sixth in mere seconds and runs at speeds a cheetah would have a hard time keeping up with.
There is no middle ground with The Destroyer. And there will never be.
All's I'm sayin's all.
Labels: DDM, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Friday, March 5, 2010
I completely dated myself
It has been a very busy week and the weekend is upon us. We have been running around all over the place and enjoying the weather and outdoors. On Wednesday I had to take Spark Plug for a follow up appointment in a town an hour away. Everything went well and on the way out of town we stopped for a treat.
This town is where her pediatrician is located but it is a town I know moderately well. I used to drive through all the time as a teenager and had a good friend who lived there. That friend and I used to make the same stop at a local produce store every time we went through town. And on Wednesday, I took the Wee Ladies to the same store to take a walk down memory lane.
This store had THE BEST chocolate chunk cookies. And also had the freshly squeezed orange juice. We used to buy the cookies by the container and inhale them all in one sitting. We had one container each, I think. They were chewy and chunky and homemade. They were amazing. Well, I guess they were because I still have a craving for them almost 20 years later.
I wanted the Wee Ladies to share these delectable treats with me. So after the appointment, we made the stop.
What I didn't really think about was that, as I mentioned, my last visit was almost 20 years ago. This obviously meant nothing to me. And the guy behind the bakery counter was very cordial as he tried to contain his laughter. In my face.
I took the Wee Ladies straight to the baked goods section. I searched for the same containers from 2 decades ago. To no avail, I went to the counter and quickly scanned behind the glass. And there they were. Big chocolate chunk cookies. The chunks looked kind of small from what I remembered but they still looked yummy. The guy came over and asked me what I would like. I went into this long speech about how when the last time I was there, I ordered these same cookies and that they are so good and did he know if the recipe was still the same as 1992?
Blank.
Crap. He was probably just a speck in his mommy's ovary at that time.
He politely replied with, "I'm not sure. I wasn't here then."
Of course you weren't. Jeez.
I asked for a half dozen and he went back into the kitchen and started bagging them. Fresh out of the oven. I was standing there beaming and doing jumpy claps. He must have thought that I was the strangest old mom ever.
And then I asked him to direct me towards the freshly squeezed orange juice and asked if in fact the store still carried that because Zehrs got rid of it in about 2001. He for sure thought I was the weirdest mom ever.
I left a happy mom. And I had happy Wee Ladies as the three of us (EvieG was at school) sat in the van and devoured half of the half dozen.
It was just like I remembered and even though I completely dated myself, it was worth every chocolaty, chunky second. Washed down with pulpy orange juice.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Sorry there were no posts this week until now.
Labels: DDM, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Soap in the mouth
When I was a sassy 6 year old my parents thought it would be a good idea to travel to New Zealand for 3 weeks and leave my brothers and I with the lovely old lady who babysat us at the curling club. Living with this plump, rosy cheeked woman with the tight white curls that only the good overnight rollers could pull off was easy at first. And then we came to a head. She broke my baby doll that snuggled in when you pulled the string in her back. I was immediately full of disdain which quickly changed to sheer fear.
We always loved having her babysit us because she gave us Peak Frean Fruit Cremes and apple drink. You know the simulated apple beverage that had a tangy taste and was nothing like Allen's apple juice in a can. Once the stuff traveled through your bloodstream there was no escaping it and I can still taste it 3 decades later (as a sidebar, Nenny with Twins and I made a run to the grocery store in university and found us some good No Name apple drink for old times sake).
But then she came to stay.
There was one night after dinner when my brothers and I were fired up and horsing around. I had this cute little baby doll in a purple sleeper. It had a cute tuft of hair on top. I would pull the cord in her back and her head would would make a slow circular motion as if it was cuddling into you.
The babysitter must have had her curlers in too long and too tight because she was done with our shenanigans and was trying to get us ready for bed. That was when she leaned over me and grabbed my baby doll from me, telling me to march straight upstairs to get in my PJs or the doll was hers for the night. Just as she grabbed the head of the doll, I heard a popping sound. I took the doll from her wrinkled hands and gasped in horror as her head was hanging by the collar of her sleeper. I pulled the cord only to get a shuddering noise and jerking movement. The doll was destroyed and I was shattered.
The nasty babysitter stuck to her guns and insisted I follow through with the bed time routine. A battle ensued. I accused her of breaking the toy. She said we would fix it. I said it was broken for good and she didn't even apologize. This angered me even more. She told me to get into the bathroom to brush my teeth and I told her to Bleep Off. Yes I used the F-Bomb on her. At age 6.
She gave me a good brushing.
She grabbed my arm and lead me upstairs to the bathroom. She sat me up on the counter and turned on the tap. At this point I knew she was mad but wasn't expecting to get what was coming to me.
I got my mouth washed out with soap. For real.
Without a word she took the bar of Ivory and saturated a cloth that I assumed she was going to use to clean my face, or in between my toes. The next thing I knew, that soapy cloth was in my mouth and it was getting rid of all the bad words it could find. I almost threw up from gagging. She cleaned it out and said, "That will teach you never to speak like that again." By this point I was bawling and really wanting my mom and dad to come home to save me from this wretched woman. The end of this 'holiday' couldn't come any faster. I remember the lingering effects of the soap in my mouth and the stinging in my throat. Every time I smell Ivory, I can still taste it. That and Jack Daniels, but that is a whole other story, unlike the apple drink one. Needless to say, I spent the rest of that time in my life avoiding her at all cost and obeying the rules as I had to in order to survive.
I was never happier to see my parents when they returned home with my new stuffed koala bear and kiwi bird pin. Oh, and my Pet Rock.
The point of all of this is that I will never have to wash out the mouth of The Destroyer. She did it to herself today and the moment she came to me wreaking of vanilla anti-bacterial foam soap with her tongue hanging out and whimpering while demanding a drink of water took me back to that time. I laughed at her as I thought to myself about how I could use this to my benefit.
And so the first time she tries to swear at me I will remind her about the time she ate the soap and I would be pretty darn sure that she wouldn't want that in her mouth again.
I love it when the disciplining is done for me and all I have to do is make them think about it.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS The nasty babysitter and I eventually made up and in then end I remember her as the lady who used to take care of us. Old school styles. Labels: DDM, Nenny with Twins, The Destroyer
Friday, January 1, 2010
I hold it!
Happy New Year to everyone! After a rather long hiatus, I can say that our family holidays are officially done. We all had a fun time with holiday prep, lots of family around, a trip to see Auntie Lisa, and now a detox for Hubby and I. For real. Somehow I have to find a way to detox The Destroyer of sugary treats.
Hubby and I are one week into a 30 day cleanse. All is well so far and I have lost 6 pounds. I am feeling fantastic. I have energy. I go all day long without stopping. I have a list a mile long of things I want to do this year. I will have it all for you in the Who's DDM section. Click here for that. I haven't written there since October. Slacker, I am.
The holidays are a time for indulging. That I did. So much so that on Boxing Day I had to take a Zantac. I have never taken one of those in my life. Too much rich food. And so we got all the treats out of the house on the 26th and vacated our house of anything else that a Zantac would like to attack.
The Wee Ladies had a super time. The Destroyer especially. All she asked Santa for was a candy bracelet. That's it. She got three. So for Christmas Day and the day after, she wore them around her neck and wore them down. She was caked with white goop all around her mouth and down onto her neck and chest. It was a true sight to see. She asked me this morning for another one.
Sugar is her weakness. Anything sweet. Or refined. Like Kraft Dinner. She loves these things so much she wants to carry them around with her. She walked around with the unopened Gummie Life Savers that were left in her stocking. For days. And I would try and take them away at which point she would yell, "I hold it!" Eventually I found trails of wrapper around the house. It was a gradual process. She does the dame thing with the KD. She will randomly go into the cupboard and parade around shaking the dried macaroni inside. I will say, "We have already had lunch!" She practically spits, "I hold it!" in my face, knowing full well we are not having it to eat.
So it is increased fruit, oatmeal with flax, apples and honey. It is granola with vanilla yogurt. She is digging it and besides the comment about wanting another candy bracelet, she really hasn't asked for anything else sweet. And she really hasn't attempted to help herself like she was doing. She is not reaching into the cupboard that is at her height looking for the Digestives, granola bars, or raisins.
Maybe it is because I finally got my act together and removed it. Not from the house, but to another location. We have to have Digestives! Isn't that like a childhood staple? When we were kids, we occasionally got the chocolate covered ones.
One of my resolutions: Keep The Destroyer from eating too much sugar and monitor more closely what she is snacking on.
And the same goes for me.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: Mission, Reflection, The Destroyer
Monday, November 30, 2009
Scraping Appetizers
We had Hubby's parents here this weekend. The night they arrived, we all went out to a local pub for some dinner. Waiting for the kids' meals is always interesting. Can we keep them occupied? How many rounds of Eye Spy can we play? Did we remember the crayons? I told them a hundred times not to carve into the table. Did you want an appetizer first?
When we go to a restaurant, it feels appropriate to strategically place them around the table so they are properly boxed in somehow. A wall or window on one side, a parent on the other. I almost always sit on the outside. I don't think there will be any window seats for me until they are at least 10.
Because we had my In-Laws, that meant 4 adults to pigeon-hole them. Hubby and I both took the outsides. EvieG is great in a restaurant. She can amuse herself, read the menu, play quietly. Spark Plug has recently discovered a passion for colouring, so all in all she is fine too. But The Destroyer. She can only take it until her apple juice or chocolate milk is gone and then it is on to the next thing. She gets fidgety. She tries to climb under the table and come up for air on the other side. She makes friends with the neighbouring booth.
This time she found something else. She discovered the wrapped cutlery in the centre of the table. She reached over and was preoccupied with the fork and knife for a couple of minutes. She was also playing with the napkins. No big deal. Until she started trying to cut the kids' menu.
She was chewing. I couldn't see anything in her mouth and wasn't sure if she was grinding her teeth again. I opened her mouth and didn't see anything. She continued chewing. I opened it again and saw something white. Hubby asked me what it was. I told it it was probably just the napkin she had been playing with. I assumed it was a piece she has ripped off since she rips everything else in life and was playing with the fork and knife. I took out the tiny, wet piece and wiped it on my jeans. We carried on with our conversation.
Hubby noticed she was chewing something again! This time he removed it from her.
As The Destroyer was climbing from Hubby's lap to the floor and back up again, she had been munching on her own appetizer. She spotted the chewed gum stuck to the bottom of the table. It must have still smelled like strawberries or fruit blast because she had smoothly picked it off and was happily snacking on it.
What could we do? Remove it from her mouth and shrug. There was nothing we could say other than the fact that we weren't surprised and thank goodness we got her the H1N1 shot. We are sure she has the immune system of a superhuman given the amount of sand, dirt, and now crusty, chewed gum she has put in her mouth.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Sayonara Soo Soo
Sayonara to the Soo Soo! And to diapers too! There have been lots of changes going on around here! The Destroyer has kicked her soother habit and bid farewell to diapers. While this is liberating, it also means my last baby is growing bigger all the time. But today, we talk addictions.
The Destroyer was addicted to her soothers. She had to have them on her at all times. So much so, that she even told me she would keep it in her pocket. She had to have it and got all bent out of shape when I took it or it was forgotten or she wasn't sure of its whereabouts. But like a squirrel, I am convinced she had them stashed away because she would leave the room with one and come back a few minutes later with another. And I never knew where she was finding them. She had her stash secretly placed.
Finally, after another rash formed around her mouth, I told Hubby that we needed to pull the chute on this soother thing. She will be 3 next April. There was no reason for it other than A) it was her sole comfort in life and B) well, it was just easier to put a cork in it.
I had been working on it for a couple of weeks with her. I told her it was time to give up the Soo Soo for the little babies who needed them. I told her that the Soo Soo Fairy would come, pick up the soothers, and then leave her presents. She looked at me square in the eye and said, "Pwesens? For me?" I replied with an excited and very convincing, "Yes! All for you! To thank you for helping the little babies!"
She never thought we'd go through with it.
I pulled the soother from her cold turkey. Just like that. I couldn't take it anymore watching her get all chaffed, her jaw structure changing as her teeth started moulding around it. She was so upset. I quickly found as many of the others as I could and got them out of her sight. I even found one behind the coat stand. Sly dog, she is.
I ran to the local Dollar Store and picked up a few items- some crayons, a little dolly, toy dinosaurs, a magic wand, and Life Savers gummy candies (which she carried around with her unopened the entire following morning). It was all assembled in a gift bag with a hand made card for Hers Truly and set out that night.
That night.
Withdrawal.
Putting her to bed without her soother was like trying to pull an addict from their prescription meds. There was the wailing, the cries of death, the fetal position, you name it. All I kept thinking was, I hope I am not going to have to rub her back like this as she hangs over the toilet bowl. Seriously... She moaned herself to sleep after an hour of going through hardcore withdrawal.
But what a pleasant little girl the next day! Addiction? What addiction? I don't have any clue what you are talking about! I never had a soother in my life! She was thrilled with her presents from the Soo Soo Fairy. She felt good about giving her soothers to the little babies. And who are these little babies anyway? I can picture handing over the bag of crusty soothers to another mom who gently accepts them with the tips of her index finger and thumb, all while sporting a half-smile, half-ewwwww look on her face. Hey, let's not be picky. At least it will cork the kid for a few moments of peace and quiet.
The Destroyer has only asked for it a couple of times since. And she has a hard time going to bed. Hubby has cuddled her a couple of times downstairs. Right now she is in our bed and then I will transfer her to her own bed.
Why not end one addiction and start another, right? Sleep aids. They help millions around the world.
Oh and what did I do with the soothers? I put them all in a poop and scoop bag and tossed them in my bathroom cupboard. I think I can pitch them now. Unless she finds the stash first.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: Battle, The Destroyer
Monday, November 16, 2009
Marriage According to The Destroyer
As I watched Spark Plug primp her little sister for her wedding this morning, I realized a few things.
1. They watch way too much Disney and Barbie. 2. Spark Plug has exorbitant amounts of estrogen pumping through her. 3. The Destroyer could marry the toaster and be perfectly happy.
Spark Plug used the princess play make-up that Grandma and Grandpa gave her to properly prepare her sister for her official send-off. Brushing her hair, putting on some rouge, smothering her eyelids in violet. Good thing there were no real products being applied, otherwise I would have covered her up with a scarf and brought her in for a bath.
It occurred to me that The Destroyer had no idea where the wedding was to take place and to who she was to accept as her partner for life. I decided to ask her myself.
DDM: So, what are you doing today?
TheD: I'm getting mayweed.
DDM: Oh! Sounds fun! Who are you marrying?
Pause.
As she turned around and faced me, she looked at me with her wide, gap-toothed grin and bright baby blues. She held out the hot pink princess...
TheD: Hair dwyer!
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Monday, October 26, 2009
Don't mess with The Destroyer
The Destroyer is 3 lbs lighter than her sister, Spark Plug, who is a year older. This kid is solid steel. And she could care less who is in her face because she will hold her ground. And she will get in your face.
She is a force to be reckoned with. And it seems every week she gets more daring, confident, and bold. She is strong and muscle-dense. And hse keeps really great footing wherever she is. Today, she was on the equipment at EvieG's school playing before dismissal. There was a 4 year old boy playing too. At one point she blocked him from climbing up the slide and reaching the top. She stood on the platform and shouted at his face, "I'm fee!" And then sent out this ridiculous, mischeivious cackle.
She is not three, she is two. She had him convinced.
The only problem with The Destroyer is that A) she has absolutely zero will power. She falls for temptation all the time. Probably several times a day, and B) she has an addictive personality. She is constantly in the cupboard searching for her next snack and cannot part ways with her soother. With her easy going personality combined with her daring nature to explore and try whatever you give her, I worry that this will be a recurring theme throughout her childhood.
This kid is going to tear up cities and get into mischief of all kinds. I can see it already and it hasn't even happened yet.
And she is going to convince the bouncer at the bar to let her in before she is of proper age. You wait.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Who needs Lego when you have tuna?
The Destroyer is getting creative with her building skills in her old age. She will be 2 1/2 this month. She lives for her next snack and is quite happy helping herself to whatever she can get her paws on. She is not only using consumables for satiation, but has now entered the world of construction.
This is one busy Wee Lady. She is like 3 kids in one. She is a fart in a mitt. She can't sit still for 2 seconds. I am going to love to see what her teachers will have to say one day. And all I will do is nod, pat the teacher on the back and wish her good luck.
The Destroyer is constantly in search for food. Like an animal, she is on the prowl during every waking second of her day. I am one step from duct taping the cupboards shut. After losing sight of her again for the 80th time in two hours, I will check over my shoulder only to find her scrounging in the pantry cupboard. She pulls out the granola bars, or the fruit snacks, cashews, or even the quinoa.
I know it's lunch when she pulls out the two things that mean the most to her- the Skippy peanut butter and liquid chocolate for her milk. She will even open the fridge door and bury herself among the eggs and broccoli in search of the yogurt tubes.
Today I heard her shuffling about again. I called to her, but received no response. I expected her to bound out from behind the counter with a handful of crackers. There was nothing. Thinking she had choked on the almonds, I went around the corner to make sure she was still breathing. I found her sitting on the floor beside her tower. Her tower of tuna with a bottle of balsamic vinaigrette on top for a flag.
She was beaming at me. She pointed to it and hollered, "Tow-a!"
To be fair, there were a couple of cans of sockeye salmon in there too.
It is one of those instances where you say to yourself, Hey! That's a lot of fish! How come we don't eat that? I wonder how long it has been in our house? Didn't I move that can of pink salmon with us last January? Well I guess we are set in case of a global crisis. All I need is some water and batteries for the flashlights.
And so with this tuna, I am making a tuna casserole tomorrow. This is an easy meal for at least three days. I was thinking of putting crushed Rice Krispies on top instead of Regular Ruffles. Or maybe I should try Corn Flakes. Or bread crumbs.
There's nothing like tuna casserole soaked in cream of mushroom soup with Ruffles on top. Why ruin a good thing with cereal?
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS I still have to write my Who's DDM and reviews. I know. I suck. I just can't find the time! Forgive me.
Labels: The Destroyer
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Living with Spidey
I have a house full of Spideys. Spider-Man lives all over the place. Jumping on the beds, couches, chairs, stairs, out of the van, and sometimes even off the side of the tub. EvieG loves pretending to be Spider-Man. She even staged a show starring Hubby and Spider-Man, as herself. In full costume. She has never seen a show or movie of this, so how she knows about it is beyond me. The Destroyer, on the other hand, doesn't need a costume. She jumps everywhere, just because she is The Destroyer.
 EvieG got the show ready. She had her costume and mask on. Our living room became the set. The set was made up of all the kitchen chairs lined up strategically around the room along with the couch, the PMS chair, which is a comfy chair and a half, and the trunk. These all represented the tops of skyscrapers. She dimmed the lights and changed the channel on the TV to Video to get the radiating blue light to simulate night. She made Hubby dress in all grey to signify him as the bad guy. I wasn't aware that she had such an in depth knowledge of Marvel Comics. I didn't know she even knew who The Rhino was.
She called action and they both started hopping from one chair to the next all around the room. There was no confrontation between good and evil until after the intermission. The show had a time elapse of 2 days.
Once action was called a second time, the two met face to face. On top of the Empire State building, where they fought. They had Hubby's neck ties tied around their wrists. Those were their webs that they threw at each other. There was some Kung Fu, some wrestling, some web throwing, and some falling. But good prevailed. Evil was defeated.
The lights came on and we clapped. And she bowed. We were all so proud that she planned and executed this show all by herself.
She found the Spidey costume as I was changing over closets. She wore it for Halloween 2 years ago. She has announced that she in fact wants to wear the Spidey costume again for Halloween this year. YAY! Last year she opted for her Cinderella dress that she has had for almost 4 years. I love that this kid doesn't want new costumes every year, like I did. I wanted the Princess Lea shower curtain of a plastic drape that went over me, accompanied by the plastic mask that would be dripping with my breath all around the chin and upper lip area that I couldn't breathe or see out of. The toxic, chemical laden mould would never last through the night because the cheap elastic held together by two staples would ALWAYS fall apart. And your one ear would always fall victim to the snap. And it would tingle with pain for the rest of the night.
Spark Plug is more into dancing right now. She would rather cuddle the real spiders who cling to the side of the house. But The Destroyer is another human size Spidey. Instead of jumping out of the van today, I caught her climbing onto the front passenger door and repelling down to the ground. Like a climbing wall, one hand was on the door handle, the other on the door frame, one foot on the side of the door and the other inside. She tells me she is getting out, "By a-self." Fine. Spidey.
We have moved from an obsession with Peter Pan to Spiderman. There is one commonality here. They all fly or jump far.
I can't wait for one of them to jump over the banister. Because their 'spider sense' told them to.
My spider sense tells me that I should teach them that all great superheroes learn that, "with great power comes great responsibility." All the more power to them as they make their beds, clean up their rooms, and clear the table.
All's I'm sayin's all.
Labels: EvieG, The Destroyer
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Shutting down for two hours
As soon as EvieG and Spark Plug are gone to their respective campuses, The Destroyer unwinds and sleeps the afternoons away.
She can usually make it through the days now without a nap and happily plays with her sisters. She keeps up rather well. She can certainly hold her own and is sometimes even the one leading the others as they bang and jump around the house.
But as soon as Spark Plug is dropped off it's like the lights turn off, the gears come to a halt, and the POWER button is in sleep mode. She doesn't even make it home before her eyes close. And then I have to take her out, carry her up to her bed where she crashes for the next 2 hours.
As soon as she sees the last of her sisters depart she says, "See ya, Sisters! You are outta here! It is going to be me- and my bed!" And then under her breath I swear I hear her say, "Thank god for these moments of peace. Thank you."
She still goes to bed at a decent time, which is amazing to me. She is not partying until my bedtime. She is one tired out child. She is busy, but some days keeping up is extra challenging for her.
There is no way she wants to miss out on anything. Just like the parties. I know she will be at every one. And she will never leave before the lights come on. The only time she will miss a party is if her wingman is unavailable.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Friday, August 7, 2009
Christmas Lights
B ackground: While we are away on our annual family holiday to northern Ontario, we make a point of noticing all the houses in town that have Christmas lights up all year long. We can realistically say that close to 50% of all homes have decorations edging the eaves troughs. And all varieties too. Icicle lights, multi-coloured LED mini-bulbs, and regular large bulbs. This habit of pointing out Christmas lights has transferred into our everyday car travels now. And beyond.
 The Wee Ladies point out and holler at the top of their lungs, "Christmas lights!" every time they see them and on a variety of buildings. Houses obviously, but also local bars who display their nighttime twinklers to entice their patrons, storefronts, restaurants, and even trees.
It was today that the Christmas lights shenanigans were taken to another level.
While at the beach, Spark Plug was busy making Cinderella's castle with Snow White's digs next door. They were even lined with stones and sticks. It was quite remarkable really and she has taken her castle-making abilities to a place where The Destroyer is no longer smashing them. I think she knows that if she so-help-her-soul even breathed near them, she would lose her head.
While Spark Plug was decorating her castles, The Destroyer grabbed her yellow pail. Still with a bit of sand in the bottom, she put the bucket on her head, its white handle serving as a chin strap. Sand lining her eyebrows, nostrils, and lips, she looked at me with her biggest gap-toothed grin and shouted, "Christmas lights!"
I buckled over in laughter.
She then proceeded to repeat this act with the pink pail, followed by the green pail. There was a fine layer of sand covering her face.
Spark Plug giggling, tossed her the blue pail to finish off the line of colours.
Her mind clearly on the side of someone's house, thought for a minute that she would make a perfect Christmas light. And she did a perfect impression as she stood straight, still, and with a sparkle in her eyes.Â
Who knew she would be method acting at the age of 2?
A bright light she is.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Congrats to L.C. for winning the Ni Hao, Kai-Lan DVD! Thanks to all who entered to win! More contests coming up! Keep checking back!
PPS Who's DDM is up if you haven't checked yet.
Labels: Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Baby Seagull
While The Destroyer continues to excel at her role as Baby Godzilla while at the beach, she has expanded on this identity. She can now add Baby Seagull to her resume. Click here to read Baby Godzilla.
Along with smashing every sand castle she lays her eyes on, she has also become a scavenger. Much like a seagull, The Destroyer often finds herself scouring the beach for her next snack. And it is not from me and the wonderful array of healthy choices I have packed. No, her snack radar is turned on, she sees the pretzels on the blanket next to us, and off she goes. The party of four beside us look up only to find The Destroyer standing and staring over them, sand covering most of her body. I look and wait for one leg to go up while she patiently waits for a handout.
She will gesture towards the food of others. And grunt. Even though she is perfectly capable of communicating her wants, instead she will chirp like a seagull. As the mother of the family reaches toward the bag of pretzels, The Destroyer is instantly spooked but not distracted. She backs up a few steps, eyes still firmly laid on the snack. She does not deviate. The mother looks at me and asks with uncertainty and a hint of annoyance, "Can she have some pretzels?" I sharply reply with, "Oh, no thanks. We have snacks over here. She is fine without. Sorry about her hovering."Â
I have to fly over and once in her peripheral, she runs off, much like a seagull. Both The Destroyer and Spark Plug spend lots of time chasing the pesty birds, so it is no wonder The Destroyer has picked up some bad habits from them as she carefully studies their tactical behaviour.
Without achieving her pretzel goal and as she is avoiding my grip, she heads for another family who have comfortably set themselves up at the picnic table. Here she tries to get in by heading under the bench of the table and up through the other side where the chips are. "Oh, hi there!" they greet. And then The Destroyer comes up for air and stares at the bag. "Would you like a chip?" Just as she is reaching to satisfy her salt and vinegar craving, I swoop in and capture her. "I am so sorry about her pesty, seagull-like behaviour. She knows what she wants, that's for sure. And just so you know, she gets fed regularly." But like a seagull, there is always more and there is always going to be something better.
When we were at the park one day, I made the grave mistake of not sealing our banana bread in a container. As I was watching the Wee Ladies play, I heard the squawking of seagulls in the background. And then like a bolt of lightening, I remembered- my banana bread! Crap! I turned around to find about 4 seagulls ripping apart our snack. I ran over to shoo them away and discovered that every single crumb had been devoured by these irritating creatures.Â
WARNING: Food left unattended may miraculously disappear at the blink of an eye if The Destroyer is in its proximity.Â
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Click here to win the Ni Hao, Kai-Lan DVD! See the post below for more information about the DVD. Labels: The Destroyer
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Baby Godzilla
At the beach The Destroyer becomes another creature entirely. She takes her destroying abilities to a whole new level. She stomps, jumps, pushes, and kicks over any sand city, castle, or mound she lays her baby reptile eyes on. I have also discovered that this is a good way to keep her occupied. Build her sand castles that she can pummel with pride and a sense of accomplishment. We were at the beach for most of the afternoon today. It was a slight overcast, a warm breeze, and not a lot of other beach-goers. Except for the awkward pre teen girls playing Capture the Flag.
EvieG and Spark Plug were very busy adding to the already existing but worn sand castles. One was a tall tower and was surrounded by rocks, one looked like the garbage dump to the tower. And then there was the Fort Knox of all sand castles. Abandoned and vacant of all signs of life, this thing had a secret underground lair. It even had lake weed guarding the entrance like old cob webs.
Enter Baby Godzilla. The Destroyer emerged from the 3 inches of water with her laser eye vision and fiery breath ready to demolish any perceived structure she could find. It was in her to leave that beach as if it had been combed by the municipal beach groomers. Even the shards of glass would have melted in the path of this monster.
I watched her shove the old tower over, even the dump beside it was flattened to a mere mole mound. Looking around with no remorse whatsoever, she went for her sister's first ever successfully standing pile of sand shaped to the mould of her bright, pink pail. Spark Plug was beaming with confidence. Proud of this achievement, she turned around to add another one to it, clearly with the goal of reproducing Cinderella's castle. As soon as she turned her back, the green Croc, rogue Godzilla stamped in that general direction. Just as she kicked over the castle, Spark Plug turned around to witness its demise. In slow motion, her mouth dropped open and not a sound exited.
I did my best to convince Spark Plug that she could indeed improve upon the previous structure. It worked. She actually carried on, and like any good Doozer, she continued to build. Whew. In order to maintain her momentum, The Destroyer needed to eat. Between snacks and destruction, she had nothing. It was all I could do to keep her occupied. And so I created little mounds around our area for her to squash. And squash she did. Like Godzilla flattening a neighbourhood, she took out one after the other. And how unfortunate for poor Bambi. Wrong place at the wrong time. Click here to see how it all went down.
Enter Fort Knox.Â
I looked over to a headless Baby Godzilla. And it wasn't because she lost out to King Kong. She had her head stuck into the depths of the fortress. She was looking for the structural beams so she could narrow down the exact unsupported spot to crush. She even dared to stand on top of Fort Knox and jump up and down like Godzilla on a bus.
During this time, I scanned the beach quickly for any gangly pre teen who would be running over to save the best castle of their life. There was no one. Relief.
Baby Godzilla failed. She did not break into the gold reserves of this fortress. It was out of sheer respect for that pre teen that I pull the chute on the monster. This fortress was made with a raw talent. As I studied its architecture, I could only wish I had it in me to make something so utterly and undeniably cool.Â
I pulled The Destroyer away. Just like that. I was like that mammoth pterodactyl swooping in for the kill. We battled and wrestled as I got her off and as far away as possible with my giant talons.
Mommy Pterodactyl versus Baby Godzilla.Â
All's I'm sayin's all.
Labels: The Destroyer
Monday, June 29, 2009
Understanding toddlerese
As I was at the sink washing up the dishes this afternoon, Hubby was on our back patio with the Wee Ladies. I had just put some toys back in the toy chest. With my back to the action, I heard:
Spark Plug: Where's my horsey, Daddy?
Hubby: Your horsey?Â
Spark Plug: Yeah! My horsey!
Hubby: Hmmmm. Your horsey...
Not looking and assuming Hubby didn't know what he or Spark Plug was talking about because I am a mom and am fluent in toddlerese, I piped up without thinking twice:
DDM: It was right in here beside the toy chest. Her purple My Little Pony horsey was on the floor and I just threw it in the chest a second ago.
Hubby: No, that's not her horsey.
DDM: Oh? Well, what is her horsey?
Spark Plug: Horsey! My horsey! Neigh! Neigh!
Hubby: It's my 9 iron.
Of course it is. I should have known better. I may be fluent in the interpretation of the toddlerese language but I clearly have some difficulty understanding its meaning.
Just like when The Destroyer asks for a coffee, which really means "I want another hit of juice." Her drug is sugar; mine is caffeine.
All's I'm sayin's all.Â
PS Click here to check out my column at Scarlett Lounge. Labels: DDM, Hubby, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
She may not appear smooth but she sure is slick
How can I save household energy when The Destroyer insists on destroying herself along with a few outfits a day? I am constantly washing her and her stuff. When we go to the park, we are guaranteed to come home with sand and dirt everywhere. Clothes turn a nice shade of brown, socks are soaked and full of grit, and hair is dropping grains of sand on my floors. The bathtub at the end of the day is a true sight to see. Who needs Borax when you have The Destroyer? We went to the park at my mom's over the weekend. Not only did The Destroyer have to sop up the standing water at the bottom of every slide, and there were about 6 different ones, but she had to roll around in the dirt as well. After going down the slides head first. She left there with her pants to her ankles, covered in brown stains. My mom tried to get it all out, but no such luck. Today we took a walk along the beach at the park before playing on the equipment. I thought about bringing extra shoes and clothes, but as usual, I forgot. At least I remembered sun hats and water. The Destroyer threw every rock she could find into the bay but could only get some acceptable, solid distance if she stepped into the water. In between running through the patches of standing water. She entered the park this morning with two full soakers. If there is water, she will find it and she will make her own homemade water park. This kid is going to take her socks and shoes off one day only to reveal the first signs of trench foot. Her feet smell. She is not a fan of socks and pulls them off whenever the opportunity presents itself. She tends to run around with her bare feet inside her non-breathable rubber boots. I am going to have to start pouring Gold Bond down into those puppies because man! Do they ever wreak! Like adult bad on the stench scale. She has blisters on both ankles too from the rubbing inside her boots. She could care less, this kid. She bonks her head on the bars, gets 1 cm slivers on her feet and doesn't flinch, and runs around with sand in her butt. She eats dirt and picks up her soother from the ground, wipes it off herself, and pops it back into her mouth. She is all smiles and laughs the entire time. Last week, we were all calling her Slick. We got to the park late and she looked like she hadn't been bathed in 3 months. Her hair was chunky and greasy. It was glued onto her scalp like she was gelling for the first time before heading out to her first big party. Slick decided to smear her entire face and head with Vaseline while I was getting dressed. I found her with a tablespoon of petroleum jelly on her soother, her hand caked like a layer of Paraffin wax, and her hair totally styled. Fantastic. After 3 washes, I decided to forget it and take them all to the park 'as is'. She was a smashing hit. We would have been there sooner if it weren't for that darned kid. The Destroyer leaves a wake behind her wherever she goes. She is blazing her own trails. I knew she would require bleach. I just didn't think I would need to clean up her mess with degreaser too. All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Monday, April 27, 2009
She got several luxury cars for her second birthday
The Destroyer is now a proud owner of a few new vehicles and therefore that means me too. I can say that for real I bought several luxury cars last week to give my baby of the family for her 2nd birthday. Who says that the babies of the family are spoiled rotten? Cars at 2? Oh, yes indeed. And nice ones. Happy birthday to The Destroyer! We have been cruising since Saturday.
We already own a few classic cars from the 70's and 80's. We also have one Barbie convertible, thanks to Uncle Jeff. He thought it was a necessity in a house containing three Wee Ladies. But we decided to modernize our car collection. And so I went and purchased at full price a black Mercedes Benz CLS 500, a shiny yellow Range Rover Sport, a gold Lexus sedan, a royal blue Audi station wagon, and a SWAT van. With the antics of the Wee Ladies I thought it imperative to have my own built in SWAT team.
Along with the new cars, I decided the purchases would not be complete without buying a full functioning Service Station to accommodate the needs of these beauties. So we have a Service Center that is open for business 24 hours a day. The cars can be washed, fueled, and repaired. It comes complete with garbage and recycling bins for the Timbits and their boxes.
The Destroyer is in heaven. We celebrated her second birthday in style. Not only did she get all of these cars to play with, but she also got a truck shaped cake. And she blew out the candles like nobody's business. She didn't need any help; she was on a mission to cruise around and show off her new wheels. What a kid.
Grandma and Grandpa were here to witness this first hand. And she did a great job putting on some serious mileage. She travelled around the perimeter of the table, along the top of the couch, and all across the entire bottom floor of our house.
If we continue to accumulate luxury cars, we are going to have to buy the classic Fisher Price Parking Garage to house them all. The one with the elevator.  If it has been a dream to buy that Range Rover or BMW or Mercedes, you can! For the cheap price of $1.87 CAN! Who knew driving these vehicles could be so cheap? Welcome to the world of Matchbox.
That's another thing off of my list of 'WANTS'. Luxury car- check.
One more case of the 'Terrible Twos'- almost a check. Note to self- buy Lincoln Navigator to avoid meltdown.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: The Destroyer
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Craugh (Craff)
The Craugh (pronounced craff) is something we see almost on  daily basis. This is the half cry, half laugh. I call them Phony Bolognas. I call their bluff. I give them no sympathy. They hate this. I just continue taunting them.
The Craugh is their way to communicate discontent and annoyance. Kind of. It is a combination of irritation and happiness because they are getting attention, but would rather the game be played according to their rules. The Craugh usually occurs when they don't get what they want or they get annoyed with me because I am teasing them. It's a whine with a giggle.
Tonight I was playing with The Destroyer on our bed. I was teasing her by tickling her toes and tummy. She was squirming to get away and I would annoyingly wrestle her to a place convenient for more tickles. She got so fed up she pulled out The Craugh. She pretended to cry but giggled simultaneously. Her eyes scrunched up, her nose wrinkled, and she wailed a laughy wail. She achieved one thing- her noise got me to stop and assess the situation. I looked at her intently. I listened and watched her for a second until I decided she was indeed a Phony Bologna. She looked at me and her frown turned itself upside down as she began to laugh.
I shook my head and smiled at her, calling her bluff, at which time I resumed my tickles. I wasn't going to let her win this one. I wasn't going to let The Craugh win this battle. When her laugh turned to a genuine get-out-of-my-face-now whine, I stopped. I let her go. She was officially satisfied with the attention and was done.
The Craugh comes out when the Wee Ladies are playing together. It is a good way to place blame on a sibling, even when nothing major has happened. The one being picked on reaches a point where they are not enjoying the direction of the playing and wants out and so launches The Craugh In Stereo. The head gets tossed back, the mouth opened wide to maximize Craugh volume. Sometimes even a fake tear falls down a cheek or two.
I say it's a cop out. The Craugh is a way to efficiently and quickly eject themselves from a situation that is not going the way they want. They use this strategy when they see fit.Â
This moodiness can be amazing; the control they have over how they portray their emotions. They can turn on the tears when they want and turn them off. They can change a cry to a belly laugh in mere milliseconds.Â
I wish I could do that. Instead, my own personal Craugh is dictated by cyclical hormone fluctuation. Â Â
All's I'm sayin's all.
PPS Enter to win the Ultimate Girl's Day! See yesterday's post. Labels: Battle, The Destroyer
Monday, March 30, 2009
Watch it! She's gonna blow!
It's amazing how some days my fuse can be shorter than others. This morning my fuse was short and I let it blow. The Wee Ladies were getting under my skin. By the end of the day, I am fine, although tired as my nerves are have reached their maximum capacity.
For some reason getting them ready and out the door seemed like it took forever. EvieG was running around, The Destroyer ran away from me whenever possible, and Spark Plug threw hissy fits when I tried to get her dressed which resulted in her banging her head on my jaw and then I bit my tongue. I was pissed.
I got seriously agitated and used my mommy voice to get them all standing in line side by side, arms tightly hugging their torsos and feet together. It didn't take on for them to figure out that I meant business. There would be no more dilly-dallying.
I always feel guilty for getting all drill sergeant on them, but sometimes I have to when I need to get stuff done. Guilt aside, it does feel good knowing that they understand that it probably is not a good idea to mess with mom when her fuse gets short. And so they listened, followed directions, and we were then able to efficiently accomplish the morning tasks.
Bed time is another time when my fuse can get short, although I am learning to let it slide. The Destroyer and Spark Plug insist on playing and messing around in their room until, well, until they fall down. I can put them back into their beds 80 million times but they still play. Blankets all over, stuffed animals thrown about. The Destroyer opens the door and peeks her eye through the crack. I hear her sucking on her soother. I did get annoyed that they were not going to bed and that they were disturbing everyone in the house, but on the other hand, I figure, at least they are playing together well. It means that our night is that much shorter.
It is hard to keep my cool some days, especially when I am hormonal. I find that those days my tolerance level is not close to zero. I have to keep telling myself to take it easy, breathe, and that they are only wee.
I have let my fuse get to its end. Some days I can only take so much before I feel fried. As much as I feel badly about it, I get over it pretty easily. We're moms. We don't have time to dwell.
All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: Battle, EvieG, Guilt, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Friday, March 6, 2009
Found: One Lost Boot
I wrote about how annoyed I get when I discover a lost item at the time I need it most. Last weekend we lost one of The Destroyer's Sorels and didn't realize it until we went to put the boots on to go out. I thought we would have to buy another pair, putting us out about $30, but we don't need to! We found the missing boot! And it wasn't in my underwear basket!
You are probably wondering how we could have possibly missed noticing one of her boots was gone. How did she get into the car to begin with? Did she not have 2 boots on when we left? How did I lose a boot between the house and well, the house? I will tell you.
The Destroyer has a habit of removing her boots, mitts, hat, and even socks whole she is sitting in her car seat staring at the countryside. I usually collect the items from the floor of the van and re-dress her before we exit the vehicle. Sometimes though, we carry her into the house and I collect all of her stuff during a second trip and bring it inside. Last weekend, we missed the fact that she came in with only one boot on.
I couldn't figure out for the life of me where we could have lost it. We went to a restaurant for dinner on Saturday but I know for a fact that she walked to the van. I didn't remember going anywhere she could have lost it.
I was wrong. We did go somewhere else. On Sunday. We went for a Sunday Drive. We were heading down the highway and spotted some deer. Hubby pulled over so the Wee Ladies could see them. In order to make the line of vision absolutely clear for them, Hubby opened The Destroyer's side of the van. We gawked at the deer, The Destroyer squealed and off they ran into the forest. Hubby closed the door and off we went.
When we got home we carried her into the house, not realizing she only had on one boot that she removed herself upon entering the house. I did see only one boot at the door, but assumed that the other was upstairs or behind the couch. It happens. It wasn't until we got ready to go the following day that we realized that one was indeed MIA.Â
I went into the restaurant only to be told no boot. I had zero recollection of our Sunday Drive or the fact that Hubby opened the door.
Here we are today- driving down the same stretch of highway. I pulled my usual, "See any deer out there?" All of a sudden, Hubby quickly pulled over. He said, "I don't see any deer, but I do see something we're missing!" I turned around in shock thinking a buckle on a car seat was undone, a window or door was open; that something was drastically wrong with the Wee Ladies. He wouldn't say a word and I was in panic mode, demanding he tell me what was wrong. He said, "Just wait and see!"
He backed the van up and told me to get out and look on the ground. Finally, it hit me. Last weekend's Sunday Drive filled my memory and I remembered the door opening.
The boot! There it was! On the gravel shoulder of a busy highway! Intact too!
I was thrilled. I yelled, "Yay! We just saved $30!"
I couldn't believe it. We went out in search of deer and found our lost boot instead. Did I mention it was on the side of the HIGHWAY? How random. And I am so glad Hubby noticed it lying there among the Tim Horton's cups and banana peels. I didn't see it. I was too busy staring in the woods.Â
What a way to end the week. $30 richer.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Sorry for the late post. Aunt Nancy was here visiting today! We always love seeing her.
PPS Can't wait for Nenny with Twins and Auntie Missy to visit today! The three of us are hanging out together and heading on over to a local spa tomorrow for some hot tubbing and lunch! Without kids!Â
Have a great weekend!
Oh, and PPPSÂ The Who's DDM? for March is up if you haven't checked it out yet.
Labels: Hubby, The Destroyer
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
To pull over or not?
A car trip would not be complete without a juice cup or favourite stuffed animal or soother falling from a child's hands onto the floor at the side of their seat. When this happens, a mom is met with, "My juice! My juice!", or "Doggy! Doggy!", or "Soo soo! Soo Soo!" The question them becomes, Should I pull over to get the toy? The other question is, Should I try and reach my arm back to retrieve the fallen object?I have had this happen countless times. And to answer the questions, I have done both. I have had to pull off the road to return a lost Doggy to The Destroyer on a few occasions. Her soother too. This is generally not safe, especially when whizzing down a major 400 highway and then you have to find the nearest exit, glide down the off ramp and pull over onto the gravel shoulder. It is in times of bad weather, like freezing rain, that this become extremely problematic. But it is a risk we take. We have to weigh our options carefully. Deciding whether or not the retrieval is worth it. There are many variables to consider when problem solving in a situation like this. How much longer will you be on the road? Did the kid(s) nap? Are they about to? Do they need the object to fall asleep? Will the retrieval allow for some quiet time so you can concentrate on the road and traffic without spending the next two hours listening to a screaming child in Dolby Stereo? Where is the next service station? How long can you go before completely losing your mind?The other set of questions to consider when deciding what your next move will be are: Where did the object fall and land? Is it still in the seat itself, just out of reach? Can I reach back and get it? Without driving off the road? I have done this too. This also is generally unsafe. So either way we are in a risky situation after a favourite object has dropped. I have secured my one foot on the accelerator; left hand firmly on the steering wheel. I have straightened my legs and right arm and reached back to the car seat, felt around, found the soother, and stuck it back in her mouth, all while watching the road. Anyone who says moms are not the QUEENS of multi-tasking are lying. Peace. For another five minutes. Until the Wee Lady has decided to turn the dropping-the-security-Doggy into a big game. Repeated dropping. On purpose. I hate this game. Crap. Now what? I can't keep reaching back and I can't keep pulling over, otherwise a) we might crash and die, or b) we will be 5 hours behind schedule. The solution? Crabby mom! TheD: Doggy! Doggy! Spark Plug: My juice! My juice! Cup! Cup! Waaahhhhh! EvieG: Mom, I dropped my crayons and I can't colour now! DDM: Well guess what, sweethearts! Tough! That's right! You will have to wait until we pull over at the next stop! I am trying to drive and you are just going to have to sit there and look out the window! You understand me? Wee Ladies: Yeeeees. A risk indeed. We have to wait to see how it will all play out in these situations and then reassess. Or just keep a cooler of snacks or box of Timbits beside you in the front and toss back a few to shut them up. Wait. Who am I kidding? I can't even leave the parking lot of Tim Horton's without pulling over. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes to keep your self intact. It's all about your survival. All's I'm sayin's all. PS March Who's DDM? is up! Head on over to check it out! Labels: Battle, DDM, EvieG, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Monday, March 2, 2009
Days in
It has been a long, cold winter and it sometimes makes the days painful when you can't get the kids outside for any period of time. EvieG has become stir crazy on days she is home and it is really cold. So she has taken to our closet in our bedroom and made it into her fortress.
She and Spark Plug played up there for a while on and off over the weekend. They had it blockaded off to prevent intruders. They had belts and Hubby's ties stretching from one side to the other. She set up beds in our underwear and socks baskets; complete with pillows and blankets. They were even kind enough to let The Destroyer in for a second, but quickly dismissed her, fearing the fort would be ruined.
I love watching imaginative play and I love that they are playing together more and more. Sometimes they close the door and play nicely in their room. And when I open the door to check on them, they shout, "No, Mommy!" and slam the door in my face. Nenny with Twins just experienced the shut out for the first time recently. They want their privacy already. What is going to happen when they are teenagers? Am I going to have to text them to come for dinner? Heaven forbid I knock politely and peek my head in. I will make sure that if there are any boys over, that the door stays open and we apply the two-feet-on-the-floor-at-all-times-rule.
It is not fun though when they start getting stir crazy and they get all silly. It is like they have been stuck in a cage for a month and are begging to be freed. They begin to cackle, their eyes get big, and they jump from room to room declaring that they are frogs jumping from lily pad to lily pad. And they start singing songs to get each other giggling and know that if they use any words like stinky and bum, that they are guaranteed to get a reaction from their sisters who are rolling around on the floor and their mother who is wagging her finger in their face.
Today the temperature is still bitterly cold. Too cold to be out for more than 5 minutes, especially when The Destroyer is inevitably going to remove her hat and mitts to stomp around. I am always finding a trail in her wake. I don't think I will ever be able to lose sight of her.
We went to our local Early Years Centre this morning and the Wee Ladies played and romped around for an hour and a half. It was perfect. They could unleash some energy and I had the chance to hang out with other moms. It's nice to have a place like this available for us. It is a great way for socializing. I know that I get stir crazy too sometimes and I always feel guilty the days where we stay inside all day.
As I was cleaning up the fortress I noticed that I am going to have to get the vacuum in there. They decided to serve some appetizers. I see the left over bread stick crumbs.
I just hope I don't find the tub of hummus in my underwear basket.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Congrats to Lisa M, Cheryl W, Stephanie H, Mary T, and Candace P for winning the 5 Green-School totes! I hope you love it!
PPS This month's Who's DDM? will be up and running ASAP. Keep checking back!
Labels: EvieG, Guilt, Nenny with Twins, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
On the diaper homestretch
We are on the homestretch now. I can't wait! I can't wait to have the last of the Wee Ladies diaper-free. The Destroyer is not yet 2, but is potty training. The third always amazes me as far as how quickly they do things to keep up with the older siblings. She wants to be just like her big sisters. She likes to play with her sisters, eat like them, dress like them, do things all-by-herself, and is even ready for a big-girl-bed. She is climbing in and out of her crib. One random day, she decided she was going to use the toilet. She said, "Toy-wet," marched in, sat down, and did her business. Let the confetti and balloons fly! We cheered and made a big deal about it. She is very proud of herself and side skips around the house laughing all giddy like. She has been using the potty off and on for the past couple of weeks. She is still having some trouble telling me in time or getting herself there. Her bladder is the size of a pea and she is going what seems like every 10 minutes. I can't believe that we will have everyone out of diapers soon. This makes me so happy. I never thought the day would come, especially when I found out I was pregnant for the third time when I was mommying Spark Plug who was only 4 months at the time. I thought that the heavens were out to get me. But every day we are getting closer to more freedom and independence. And next it will be the naps. The Destroyer is on her way to dropping her afternoon nap. That means ice cream in the park in the afternoon. And day trips. We will never be home because our social schedule will be so full. Like really full. I can't imagine being able to go out for long periods of time! It has been almost 6 years. You won't be able to keep me home! It will be like a whirlwind of ladies out on the town. We will start with a trip to the park. All's I'm sayin's all. PS Enter the contest to win a Green-School tote! Click here to read about it! Labels: DDM, The Destroyer
Friday, February 13, 2009
I can't hear it, please.
We used to have a CD player in the van that held and shuffled 4 CDs. Now we only have one working CD compartment. The other 3 have been jammed with coffee change, thanks to The Destroyer. I always said that I would only play age-appropriate music for the Wee Ladies. I find that I am slowly moving away from this and have gradually been introducing them to radio and music genres of all kinds.
To clarify, The Destroyer would climb all over the front seats at our old house while Hubby was putzing around in the front yard, or in the garage. With the keys out of the ignition, she would eject CDs, honk the horn so many times that the neighbours would give Hubby the stink-eye through the curtains, and apparently successfully jammed the CD and cassette players with coffee money.
I realized what had happened when I tried to reload new CDs, only to get a grinding noise, followed by the Loading Error across the screen.
What do we listen to then? We listen to The Sound of Music soundtrack on repeat, and frankly, I am getting irritated hearing Liesl admit how naive she is when it comes to the world of men. And her boyfriend Rolf telling her that she needs an older man to depend on. EvieG is in love with this musical. They all sing along. EvieG knows most of the lyrics, to all of the songs, Spark Plug sings some of them and totally out of tune. The Destroyer sings Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star on repeat because that is all she knows. She has attempted Do-Re-Mi.
Because our children's CD collection is getting old and scratched and the player is destroyed, I have moved towards the radio a little bit more. In the past few weeks the Wee Ladies have experienced the variety of sounds our local radio station has to offer. Everything from classic rock to new Beyonce. They have pretty much been Journeyed to death, know that Dude looks like a lady, that Britney's boyfriend is a womanizer, Lady Gaga gambles, and if he liked it, he should have put a ring on it. I told them more than words is all they ever need to make it real. I keep telling them love is a battlefield.
But today- today they heard and raised the roof to one of my personal favourites: Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. Oh yes, they did. It was a proud moment for me. I even called Nenny with Twins to tell her the good news.
Auntie Vee who lives in England is a good friend who taught EvieG to raise the roof when she was 2. We were on the road and we were cruising along to Madonna. We were rocking and led by positive example. Ever since that day, it is mandatory that the Wee Ladies know and understand the importance of raising their hands in the air while listening to tunes in the car.
Volume control is an issue. EvieG likes to hear things loud and clear. Spark Plug is extra sensitive and covers her ears when it rains. So finding the balance can sometimes be challenging. I am always trying to find the right balance between the front, back, right, and left areas of the van. EvieG will catch a snippet of something she likes and will state, "I can't hear it, please." This means, TURN IT UP, MA! I WANNA ROCK THIS JOINT. She is so polite in her asking, isn't she?
I can never seem to get the volume control right. If we put the sound in the back only, I still like to hear it. Hubby will open the side door to get the Wee Ladies unbuckled and ask, "Can you hear it? Do you realize how loud it is back here?" No wonder Spark Plug is covering her ears. I am always having to turn it up for EvieG and down for Spark Plug. So I have decided to make sure that the volume is equally represented between the front and back. That way we can all listen and enjoy Mr. Big together.
Spark Plug is picky. She told me to get rid of Black Cars. If the music selection does not meet her high standards, she says, "I don't like it. I don't want it! Too Loud!" Hmmmmph. Party pooper.
As we cruised along to Tom Petty's Free Fallin', much to Spark Plug's dismay, I told Hubby, "The last time I drove down this road to this tune I was in my early 20's. Only then it was just me, a smoke, and a can of Diet Coke in my parent's Ford Explorer. I never thought I would do it again minus the nicotine and aspartame with three kids and a husband in a mini van. How things change." Hubby laughed and rolled his eyes.
I am okay with exposing the Wee Ladies to different music now. I am over the all children's music, all day, commercial-free way of thinking. If I hear anything inappropriate, I will change it or turn it off. I am not going to expose them to music with easy-to-follow, questionable lyrics. Even if I did, they wouldn't get it anyway. I remember dancing around my room when I was 8 and singing, Like a Virgin at the top of my lungs. I had no clue what I was saying. I didn't know what She Bop by Cyndi Lauper was about. So would the Wee Ladies understand that James Blunt was intoxicated when he saw a beautiful angel on the subway? Nope. EvieG loves that song. And I censor the foul parts. When the bad words come along, I shout, "LALALALALALALALA!" to drown it out. She is none the wiser.
We will still play children's music. Lots of it. But I will also make sure they know what good music is, classic and modern. Does Ned's Atomic Dustbin count as good music? To me it does.
Maybe I should get Hubby to fix the CD and cassette players in the van. There might be some Olympic coins hiding in there for our collection.
All's I'm sayin's all.
PS Have a great weekend! It is a long weekend here in Ontario and we will be going away. I will be back online next Tuesday. Labels: DDM, EvieG, Responsibility, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Coin collection obsession
I don't hoard and I try not to keep stuff around to pile up. And so it is not surprising that I am typically not one for collections. The only collections I ever had were a sticker collection when I was 8 and a chewed gum collection on the side of my dresser in my room. My in-laws came to visit last weekend and my MIL brought three RBC Olympic coin collector cards for the Wee Ladies. It has become a mission to find 3 of each coin for them, even at the risk of losing coffee money.  Still stuck on the chewed gum collection? It grossed most of my friends out, except my one best pal who had one of her own. And we contributed to each other's too. We would chew a wad of gum until there was no flavour left. We would get it all balled up, remove it from our mouths, and placed it in its designated spot. I think I had around 40 pieces. It smelled really nice and fruity as I made my way to the bathroom. We were so proud of our accomplishment.  My MIL thought it would be a good idea to have the Wee Ladies collect coins in celebration of the 2010 winter Olympics in Vancouver. So she brought the cards along with a few coins to get them started. We got them placed appropriately and glanced at the chart to confirm which ones were in circulation and which ones we have to wait patiently for. And now we search, collect, and wait for new ones to come from the Royal Canadian Mint. There are 17 to collect in all. EvieG has 6. Spark Plug and The Destroyer both have 3. EvieG has doubled them. My MIL thinks that come the time, they should all trade to make sure they end up with them all. I don't know. Here's what I foresee- DDM: (accepting change from my Starbucks grande mild with double cream) Oh look! I just got the curler! Do we have that one yet? EvieG: No! I want the curler for my collection! DDM: Well, what about your sisters? Spark Plug: I want it! TheD: Ahhhhhhhh! EvieG: Well, I think that we should fill up my card first. And then we can add to Spark Plug's and then to The Destroyer's. How's that sound? DDM: Hmmmm, that's not really fair is it? Can we come up with another idea? Maybe you can trade one of your coins with Spark Plug for the curler? EvieG: Nooooo! I don't want to lose my coins! She has a point. Why don't we just fill up one card at a time? Do Spark Plug and The Destroyer really know what is going on? At least EvieG can actively participate. I think we might have to do this all stealth like because there is no way we will have 3 of the same coin all the time. And if we make it a very public addition to one of the collector cards, and it is not Spark Plug's, she will have a rangy for sure. With this collecting in mind, I have now become obsessed with looking at all quarters and loonies. I am searching through coffee change, my wallet, through pockets, Hubby's change, and am even planning my payments with the intent of receiving quarters for change. What is happening to me? Will I not rest until all 51 coins are in their rightful spots? I will not rest until this task is completed. This is going to drive me to insanity if I am searching for Olympic change for the next year. And you know I will get really annoyed if I keep getting the same figure skating pair over and over and over again. Or if I keep seeing that regular caribou, or special addition in celebration of Canada's veterans. And all I will need is one more. The Olympics will come and go and it will be the damn speed skater that I needed. EvieG is the star of the week at school. We sent her off yesterday with her favourite books, some pictures of the family to share with her class and then the piece de resistance- the coin collection. And she told her class all about it. I am making her into a obsessive collecting freak. We will get them all. Oh yes, we will. I lied. I just remembered my other collection. Bazooka Joe comics.   All's I'm sayin's all. Labels: Battle, DDM, EvieG, Mission, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Friday, February 6, 2009
The birth order of things
The birth order amazes me. From the first to the second to the third child you see the characteristics and behaviours that are apparently 'typical', even though we try not to make our Wee Ladies products of birth order norms. Or do we contribute to it a little bit? Take EvieG. She is the first born. She is fiercely independent, Type A, orderly, helpful, obedient, hates to disappoint, and can be a bit of an over-achiever. She is academic oriented, yet artsy. She is sensitive and emotional. She worries. I am always encouraging her and telling her how proud I am of her. She eats it up and then tries to outdo herself. Some say she is a typical first born. Spark Plug is our second oldest. I hate the term 'middle child'. We prefer not to use it. I am a middle child. I, like Spark Plug was fiery, and some would argue I still am. People always say how the middle child gets tossed to the side because the expectations are set for the oldest to abide by and the youngest needs the attention. I don't buy it. Spark Plug is sharp, adorably sweet, thoughtful, and loyal. She can be very demanding and temperamental but she is also often very sensitive and eager to please. She tries so hard to be a 'big girl'. She is doing more and more all by herself and we are proud. People also justify her behaviour by saying, "Oh, she's the middle child and they are just like that." That bothers me. We don't blame improper actions on her place within the birth order. It is a combination of our parenting combined with her talent of manipulating us. We spend just as much time with Spark Plug as the others, and sometimes more. She likes to be in the spotlight. She refuses to be tossed aside. She would never be anyway because we wouldn't let that happen. Some say her sparkiness is typical of a middle child. The Destroyer is the baby. And she tries her hardest to be heard. All the time. She is easy going and strong. She is tough as nails will get right up and keep going when she falls. She needs to keep up with the rest of them. And so she has developed quicker than the others in all areas. She also picks up all the bad habits of the others. She is most cuddly. She is super sensitive and anytime she makes me angry because she has pinched her sister yet again, she puts her hands over her face and cries (or pretends to). She says weeping, "Sorry, Mummy." She hates to disappoint. But she is physical and solid. She pushes back, pinches, and stands her ground. If the others bang into her accidentally, The Destroyer is usually the one left standing. Some would say she is a typical baby of the family. Do we ask EvieG to do too much and accept responsibility for too many things? Maybe sometimes. But we also make sure she stays a kid and let her explore and express herself as she needs to, in a way that encourages her positive growth. Do we give into Spark Plug? Yes. At times. I get mad at myself sometimes for doing so. Because now she has a bad habit of whining to get attention and to get what she wants. She is growing out of it, but she still does it. And I still give her the attention. I don't regret it because I know she will turn out just fine. Do we baby The Destroyer too much? Sure. Sometimes I am guilty of this. And she has me figured out. She knows the right time to come in for the cuddle, to say sorry, to give me a hug. And then she quits her crying and is laughing in the moments following. She is a mummy's girl and her wanting to be with me leads to my letting my guard down sometimes. But I also let her manage on her own a lot. And so she has to survive to keep up with the others, so she is also very independent. While the Wee Ladies naturally fit in their respective categories according to birth order characteristics, we also definitely contribute to shaping that too. A little bit. Even though I try to stay away from being typical. Because I am not satisfied with being typical. And don't want the Wee Ladies to be typical either. All's I'm sayin's all. PS Who's DDM should be up and running today. It will be most definitely up over the weekend. PPS Have a great weekend! My in-laws are coming to visit. The Wee Ladies are so excited, as are we, and Hubby and I get to go skiing tomorrow! Thanks to my MIL and FIL. Labels: EvieG, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
My Entourage
Everywhere I go my entourage comes with me. I have them wrapped around my finger, they usually do as I ask, and go wherever I go. They also keep me on routine and will let me know if I divert from the schedule. They depend on me to keep them busy and going. I also realize and admit that I depend on them just as much. We make a great team. The three members of my entourage play distinct roles. They all have certain jobs, some with more responsibility than others. The smallest of the group keeps my meal times on schedule. By continually going into the cupboard and bringing food to me, we keep each other full. She also keeps me spry. By threatening to destroy the place, I am always on my toes. The middle manager makes sure we are dressed and have brushed hair and teeth. She makes sure we have an appropriate amount of product applied every day. We stick to a routine that keeps us looking presentable. She always makes her demands and feelings known. She is an open communicator. The oldest of my entourage carries the brunt of the responsibility. She keeps me on schedule, she cleans up after us, and makes sure the beds are made. One day when I had an outside commitment, I came home to a tidied living area and clean dishes. The only problem was that she slightly grazed her index finger with a serrated knife while she was in a sink full of dishes. She sometimes plans events for us, like a trip to the ice cream store, or a party. She brings me flowers. She gives me the best back-scratches. My entourage follows me everywhere I go. We are our own posse and people move to the edge of the sidewalk to let us pass. We turn heads. People notice us. I choose to think that it is not because of the loud screeching or running all over the place and that instead it is our unique and strong stage presence. I sometimes have to get bossy as the head honcho of my entourage. I shoot my mouth off with statements like: -Hurry up! We are going to be late! -Did you hear what I said? -Can you bring that to me please? -Don't be rude to me! -Follow my instructions and stay with me! -Can you take this for me please? -That is not how we behave! -Good job! -Don't touch! I depend on my entourage just as much and have to perform to the best of my ability to make sure they are happy and satisfied as members of my team. They keep me in line and I do my best to meet their demands. We have an agreement in place that will last the better part of 18 years. There is some room for negotiation. I don't want any to become completely disgruntled. That would be bad and then they would become unmanageable. As stated in the contract, I am in this for the long haul. I often here things like: -I don't like that! -I don't want that snack! -I want to wear my Tinkerbells! I don't want to get dressed in that! -I want to stay home! -I'm ready! I want to go too! -I'm hungry! -JUICE!!!! -I need to go potty! -Get up! It's a sunny day! -Thanks! -That's beautiful! Most days I love having an entourage. It is nice to be taken care of and also to ensure the satisfaction of my bunch. We are a close knit group who do everything together. We share fun times, trying times, we take pictures of monumental and important events. We keep each other on the straight and narrow. We always forgive each other for our bad moments. The put up my 'hormonal imbalances' and I with their toddler tantrums. We balance each other out. We can't live without each other. As the time passes, their jobs will evolve, as will mine. The next job on their list? To answer the phone and take messages for me. But for some reason, I have a suspicious feeling that I will have to take more messages for them as they plan their time off from the entourage. And then they will demand vacation pay. All's I'm sayin's all. PS February Who's DDM is written. I am having technical difficulties getting it posted. Stay tuned and check back.... Labels: DDM, EvieG, Fun, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
Friday, January 30, 2009
The case of the missing stuffed Doggy on Hubby's birthday
Doing anything that includes hauling the Wee Ladies around is always a chore. There's buckling, unbuckling, keeping together, keeping hands off merchandise, and it all takes forever. It is Hubby's birthday today and we had a list a mile long to get done in order to surprise him at work. Throw a missing Doggy into the mix and we have automatic panic and chaos. I got the Wee Ladies winter-dressed. I loaded them into the van. We proceeded to make a stop to get him new ski gloves. I only said, "Stay with Mom," a few hundred times as they ran around in and out of the Burton gear. The only mark we left were some fingerprints on the change room mirror. I threw them back into the van and headed for some caffeine relief. Oh, and some Timbits. I know. I caved. We continued to the balloon shop where we had a balloon bouquet made for Hubby. Upon our arrival The Destroyer leaned over and pressed the button to open the door on her side of the van. I quickly pressed it again from the other side of the van and pulled her out. We went into get the balloons and during our short, but chaotic stay, EvieG learned not to try and blow up balloons we hadn't ordered. So a balloon covered with 5 year old cooties was purchased using money from her money bank. The Destroyer tried to play with balloon sculptures that were waiting to be picked up. Wouldn't that have been fun if she had popped one of those? I placed the order and returned them all to the van so I could pay up and easily carry out the balloons without my entourage. We made one other stop before heading home for a snack. When we arrived home, I was unloading the Wee Ladies and noticed something potentially disastrous. The Destroyer's stuffed Doggy, which is her version of a security blanket was not in the van. I know she had taken it with her. I know I remember seeing her cuddling it. Where did it go? I searched the van high and low. Under the seats in the Timbit box. No Doggy. This was bad. So bad because I have no back up in case it should get lost. EvieG has Lovesy, one of those Ty Pluffies that she can't live without. She sticks her finger through the tag and sucks her thumb as she is falling asleep.  I bought 3 extras on eBay to keep just in case we lost them. And she has lost it once, so we are on number 2. Spark Plug has a chenille blanket she got from a good friend of mine when she was a baby. It comes from Toy R Us and she lives for this thing. She calls it her Kiki (pronounced kee kee). I made a special trip to Toys R Us to buy back up. I have 2 others. She sleeps with 2 and there is one still in the package. So if she ever loses the original, she has another already worked in. I have it all figured out.  But leave it to The Destroyer to have a dog with long legs and arms and a big, blue bow that she can't sleep without. There is no duplicate for this thing. And Doggy was confirmed to be officially lost. Crap. So I hurried them to finish their snacks and then piled them all into the van. Again. We drove like mad back to the balloon store. As I was pulling into my original parking spot, EvieG and I both spotted Doggy. Along with her hat. EvieG shouted, "Look! There's Doggy in the snow bank! And her hat! It didn't get stolen!" You can imagine the feeling of relief that came over me. I was seriously panicked over this. I didn't want The Destroyer to lose her true love. That would be a horrible loss for us all. Not only would she be devastated, but we would have to suffer her wrath. The screaming and stomping and crying would have been hard to deal with and no doubt would have led to more Timbits. I had already had a Plan B ready to execute if Doggy wasn't in the dirty brown, salt saturated snow. I was going to run to every store within a one block radius and ask store employees if anyone had been kind enough to bring a stuffed dog into their place of business. The whole town would for sure know me by then end of this caper. Thank goodness it didn't get to that. I gave Doggy back to The Destroyer. She squealed with excitement and gave her a tight hug. I felt like a true hero. And then she looked at me and held Doggy out towards me and said, "Yuck, foot!" You're kidding me. I just swooped in to save the day like a grand super human with x-ray vision and the thanks I get is a complaint that Doggy's feet are wet and dirty? I turned around with my knuckles clenched around the steering wheel and stared out in front of me. I put it in reverse and drove away in silence. No appreciation. And there will be worse eventually. I will have sat in front of the computer or on hold trying to get tickets to the coolest concert ever and I will end up with amazing seats, to which they will say, "You couldn't get us any closer?" And then I will say, "Well, if that isn't good enough for you, I will go with Auntie Lisa, Auntie Missy, and Nenny with Twins. Oh, and I will be sure to tell you all about our VIP access after we get home." Carrying on to Hubby's office with balloons, cupcakes, and a gift, I rallied the Wee Ladies together as we headed into his building. A lovely lady on the street helped me keep them all together. We went in to surprise Hubby. We were on-the-edge-of-our-seats-excited only to be told that he was not there. What?What?What? I told him this morning that he needed to be at the office over lunch and that I would bring his suit jacket to him! I even called his boss two days ago to get permission to bring my entourage to the office! He forgot and ended up having a meeting out of the office. We waited for a while and one of his colleagues graciously helped keep the Wee Ladies contained in one area. She gave them paper, markers, and even helped EvieG blow her nose. Amazing. We waited and waited some more. We left the gifts and went home. After all that work and drama, it ends like this? Yes, it ends just like that. In complete and utter disappointment. It is now time to make and eat cake. Happy birthday, Hubby! We love you even though you pulled a guy move and only listened to part of what I said! I know 'something came up' and you had a meeting and that's okay! We will forgive you! Over some double chocolate cake. Don't forget EvieG wants a cupcake! All's I'm sayin's all. PS Have a fun weekend! Thanks for reading! Labels: Battle, Chores, DDM, Drama, EvieG, Hubby, Nenny with Twins, Spark Plug, The Destroyer
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